A tribute to A113

Sometimes I find it hard to let go of some things that are close to my heart.

As I was packing my things it dawned to me that I'm going to be doing this every year.(wah susahnya). So often I don't like change because I have to start adapting all over again. I guess in some situations change can be a good thing because then only will I learn to be thankful of what I have.

So I was packing my things in A113 on Wednesday. I was thinking to myself how fast time flew. I remember the first week of my life in university when so many 'firsts' happened. First time walking into a building which has the 70s look.(old and gloomy). First time stepping into a very musty and dusty room. First time sharing rooms with complete strangers (excluding camps). First time asking so many people their names and end up forgetting every name.

A SATU SATU TIGA

A113 gave me many good and bad memories. The bad ones first. There were many instances where I just felt like shouting at my room mate for talking loudly on the handphone in the early morning hours . I blame her for all the sleepless nights I had but thankfully this semester she decided to 'migrate' to her bestfriend's room though she comes back just to change and hang her wet clothes. Other bad memories include my room mates and their friends barging into the room in the middle of the night(I just wonder what they were doing the whole night). And it doesn't end there. They will start talking and talking and talking. I mean be considerate lar if it's past 1am or 2am they should tone down their voices. It was really frustrating especially when I had a class at 8am the next day or a test. So these are the bad ones.

The good ones. hmMm?....hMmM?...hmMm?...Ok lar...I'm exaggerating. Nanthini, one of my room mates was kind to me in little little things such as 'tapaoing'(I can't find any other better word) food for me whenever I had a class during meal time. There were times when we laughed together but it was rare. BUT I will surely miss the MONKEYS! My room faces a small patch of jungle and that's where the monkeys come from. They have entertained me without fail every evening. Sometimes while I'm studying a monkey will suddenly appear on the wire netting directly in front of me. If only I have a picture. Anyway, as strange I may be, I find them quite cute and adorable although some people would beg to differ! :-)

I will miss you, A113.

I don't know what the future holds for you and me.

I know the chances are low.

I might not be able to see you again.

Goodbye!

Bleh.

I will be getting a different room with different room mates next semester. I definitely will not be in block A. I just hope and hope it won't be on the top floor.

One thing God has taught me is to be patient. This includes being considerate even though people may be inconsiderate towards you. This may seem unfair or it is as if I'm being taken advantage of but I know that it is the right thing to do.

It is finished!

Finally!

But I am not as excited as before maybe because this time exam was a lot more tougher compared to last semester. Anwyay, I should really stop moaning and groaning because I have two months of holidays ahead...hmmm... Now I'm worried of what am I going to do during the 2 months. Terrible me. No holiday I complain, got holiday also I complain. What else do I want? :P

Last night was great. Went out with my two very close and gila friends from college-Jia Hui and Jean Nee. After meeting with Kok How and the gang at third walked up the hill(is it a hill in the first place?..hmm) to 8th college.Yup, we were the only insane ones walking up the slope at night. It was a peaceful walk . Then we walked down and went to Dewan Tunku Canselor and sat there till 1.30am. It was good. We talked and talked and talked like nobody's business.

It's quite sad to know that they'll be leaving college and I'll be stuck alone with people whom I'm not closed to. No more sharing sessions till late at night. No more makaning together at dewan santapan. Well, it's all been good, the past 2 semesters. I agree to what Jean Nee says-God has a purpose for each one of us and it's not a coincidence that we ended up in UM.

20 April 2006

The past few days were stressful days for me and now I am so very very relieved. Never in my uni life will I take 3 papers on the same day. Learnt my lesson the hard way but it was an experience I can say. Not a nice one though. Imagine sitting for paper after paper. Terrible. Tiring. I just cannot believe that I've actually finished all the 3 papers today and I'm sitting here in the library com lab blogging. No more lamenting to my mother how hard my exams are..for a time being of course. The lamentings will not end there for sure. There are more exams to come..dreadful-nya..

But,

despite of all the stress and pressure,

despite of all the tears[yeah cried a bit last night :-(..heheh..yup I'm a cry baby],

despite of all the times worrying and not knowing what to expect,

I want to thank God,

for His peace,

for His strength,

for His assurance,

for His patience towards me (I should really stop grumbling and complaining :P)

Without Him in my life what would be of me...

Thank You my Heavenly Father.

NOW I'm waiting for my dad to fetch me, and then I'm going to makan dinner, and then I'm going to RBS graduation(hope to see my pals whom I've not seen since RBS 2003), and then I'm going home(Yay!), and then I've to remind myself that exam is not over, I still have one more last paper next tuesday.

Random thoughts

I want to study but I just can't concentrate. I feel so tired. I just cannot cramp in some more information.

Have you ever had this reaction,
I like someone. I try to look at him when he's not looking. When he's looking I turn away. Pretend I'm not looking. When there isn't any chance to talk disappointment seeps in.

The feeling is terrible. This is the trouble with blogging. Someone should stop me before I blurt everything out. Just a thought, if my brother reads this I'm so dead :P

Today, I drove to town and I passed a row of beautiful trees on both sides of the road.
They were covered with either pink or white flowers I could barely see the leaves.
It looked like spring.
The scene was so lovely that my heart leaped for joy and I started thanking God.

If only I had a camera. If only I have a digital camera in the first place.

(oh I just realised someone whom I don't know, who lives here has a picture of this. I grabbed it from his/her friendster. I think it was taken last year)

It's only about 1/8 of what I saw because this picture doesn't include the whole stretch of road.

Just now's Maundy Thursday service was good. Did a lot of reflecting on my life. My dad's message in church did remind me a few things which I so often take forgranted.

Just some random thoughts before the day ends.

FRUSTRATION = Wanting something so badly that seems so near yet so far.

Why am I still waiting? I'll end up waiting for the rest of my life.


Since I'm so bored reading TITAS, I've decided to waste my time blogging. Is it considered a waste of time?....hmmm....

Anyway,

Today I'm glad because..

• I played the piano during worship although I hope the song leader didn't mind me making a few mistakes :P (if you are reading this...you did a good job. God looks at the heart when we worship Him) Glad that I can serve God in this area.
• I shared to my SS students about the resurrection of Jesus and how He conquered death. Thank God for giving me this opportunity of being able to share this good news to others.
• My sister and brother came back.
• I could sayang little Debbie and play with her.
• We had a double birthday celebration dinner today-mum & mike
• I know that I am living under God's grace
• I know that nothing in this world can seperate me from the love of God.

No Title

Everytime I update my blog, so many things have already passed by. This shows how terribly lazy I am in updating my blog. But thanks to Jia Hui, I'm influenced by her semangat to blog :P

And also I've realised Kat has linked me on her blog *gasp* All the more I need to update often.

Well, for a start, for today's post, after a long time not not typing, and people waiting and waiting for me to update...for a start it has been a bad bad day. I've not even gone through half of the day and I'm already assuming that it will be bad. Today didn't start off very well. I'm very disappointed with my first exam I had this morning. My lecturer calls it a test but the extent of it's difficulty doesn't make it like a test at all. I feel terrible. I'm really trying to be optimistic right now, but how? I have one week of study leave next week and after that more exams. Worst still, I'm not looking forward to 2oth April coz I have 3 quite difficult papers on the same day-philosphy, psychology,bio cell. Should I say 'die lar'? I don't know. Right now I leave it all to God. I know that whenever I commit all to Him, I need to trust in Him also and not worry a lot. Hope to have this in mind throughout the exam period.

On a happier note, I'm truly blessed to be here in UM. The semester is going to end and I'm going to be a senior, a second year student, no more a junior, no more senior to junior kacau from kok how anymore coz he can kacau the new juniors..yay!...keke..Anyway it's been so great knowing fellow PKVians seniors and juniors alike because im truly encouraged by each one of them. It's so funny to know how God loves variety because he created everyone differently each with his/her own unique personality. I'm so thankful to know different( I stress DIFFERENT) people her in uni :P

This year's birthday was the best one I had in 20 years. (hmm...I think so) Coz it's totally opposite to last year when I celebrated(hmm..did I even celebrate?) my birthday. Last year was so depressing. B'day last year was on easter but couldn't go for the Sunday school easter picnic coz dad met with an accident. Another terrible thing happened on that day but I can't remember what. And lagi depressing, friends were not in town to celebrate. So sad. BUT this year was do different cos I had a group of people to celebrate it with me. First, my whole family(except big bro) took me out for dinner. To food was so good that I ate like a pig :P. Then in college my friends took me out to 7th college. Of course it was not a surprise coz Jia Hui told me earlier :-) It was so great having them around. We laughed and laughed like mad people and the girls had some sharing session after the guys left. It was good. The whole day I enjoyed myself so much. I really thank God for friends. What will happen to me if theree are no friends around?

AS I reflect back on what happen and as I was typing, I just realised that my mood has changed from being disappointed to being happy. There are so many things to thank God for and sometimes I take for granted the little things that happen in my life.

Hope the next post in my blog won't be after I have graduated! We shall see....

Today doesn't feel like a Sunday

The feeling is so odd. I'm sitting in the library on a Sunday afternoon. I didn't go back home this weekened. I didn't go to my church and I didn't meet the people whom I always meet every week. I can't watch my favourite shows on TV. I can't chat on MSN messenger.*sigh* Maybe I'm just too spoilt. I just wonder how I'm going to cope next time when I'm posted to a school. far, far away(if that happens lar), I might not be able to come back so often.

I was so reluctant to come back to UM during our holidays but last Wednesday and Thursday I had choir practice in college. But it didn't turn out the way I thought it would be. I felt it was fun and not too stressful. I thought also I would be bored but actually I enjoyed it caused I had a lot of laughing sessions among the choir members and our irritating choir master..hehe..I thank God that although it may be stressful at times I can still enjoy the time of practicing and being with my choir members. I think I should also get to know them better because I don't know some of them.

Friday and Saturday were really, really, really, busy and (maybe stressful) days for me. I have never attended a meeting that will go on for at least 13 hours a day, what more two days in a row. PKV had its commitee planning retreat on those two days. It was not a retreat I can tell you and it's only the first part. Our second part is in March and I wonder how it will be. But to look on the positive side, I feel that it's truly an eye opener for me because it is something that I have never experienced before. I thank God that it went on well and I pray that each one of the commitee member has gained something out of it although it was just evaluating and planning. I pray that we will continue to see the needs of PKV and to know that in everything that we do, we do it for God's glory and honour.

So many things are happening in my life. I have so many feelings and emotions about certain things and issues. Sometimes I don't really know what is my true indentity. There is so much more to discover and experience in life, I sometimes feel whether I will be able to cope. But I still keep walking, I still keep moving on...

Happy Valentine's Day!...to yours truly and to those who are reading(if there is any..heheh)

Every year, I look forward to this day. Not that I expect much to happen to me(really, nothing significant has ever happen in my life on this day). It's just that I like to wish something special will happen. But then is it worth it, thinking like that? I have everything that I need. My family loves me so much and I know that my God loves me with a love that can never fail. One thing I enjoy though is reading in the newspapers about how people put in so much effort to make this a special day for their loved ones:-buying hundreds of roses that cost almost a month's salary for some people, and today in the papers it was highlighted that someone is going to receive a huge red bear which costs about RM900 something.My gosh, where on earth is she going to put it? I wonder what her reaction is when the big teddy bear is sent to her office. What will my rection be...hmm..If only he could just give me that RM900 and let me spend it freely.

It is weird, to know that amidst of all the celebration about love, there is so much more going on in this world. The world is broken. We live in a broken world where there is so much of suffering and pain. People inflicting pain on others. Why? Because everyone has different beliefs and principles of life. If you don't accept what I believe, then you must suffer the consequences. What I think is right but you may think it's wrong. People have become so self-centred and yet they are so angry most of the time.

Something that I look forward to...

'Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth, for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away..' Revelation 21:1

'Now the dwelling of God is with men, and He will live with them. They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and be their God. He will wipe away every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.'

Revelation 21:3

If I were to compare myself to when I was 18/19 years old, I feel that I'm so different. Now I can be so moody and sometimes so melancholic..I also don't know why..probably because everything is so different and its like a transition period for me. Also I think I've become more demanding not for material things lar..but rather I want things according to my way so I ask God to do this, this and this...terrible me..

Anyway I thank God for what happened this month. Chinese New Year was a real hebat time for me. Everyone came back and the house was packed with people. We had an additional member, baby Laura with us to celebrate this time...hmm..it seems that ever year there will be a new member..God is good! :-) As usual mummy cooked her trademark dish-oyster chicken which is my favourite dish. Something unique about my family is that during our reunion dinner, there will be three Chinese(and another half Chinese half Kadazan), 5 Chindians, 3 Indian-Chinese-Kadazan, the rest are Indians ..let me see did I leave out anyone? :P it's complicated but it's truly Malaysian...we have the 3 main races in our family: Chinese, Indian and Bumiputera. Then as usual we will have some yee sang Wuey Ping will prepare it every year. It's not everyone's favourite but I like it a little..hehe..Well, overall, I had a great time. In fact more than I had during Christmas because this time everyone was at home...hmm...but let's see..If I marry a Chinese then I wont be able to come back during new year then everyone will miss me...hehe..what am I talking ..it's a long time more.

Well, I hope to be more optimistic in life. To look at the brighter side of it and not to remain in the dark side. But it's hard to say. Suddenly you are thrown into a situation which you don't really like. And then when we feel so uncomfortable, we start to complain. I think life can be interesting and colourful. It's how we choose to see it and live it. I think today is a happy day for me..thank God..I just pray that everyday will be the same :-)

My latest favourite song by Delirious?
Stronger

We're getting stronger every day
WE're getting braver in every way
Hallelujah here we come
We're getting stronger everday
Push through the waves that fall our way
Hallelujah, here we come
We're much stronger when we're one
Hallelujah here we come

Oh, I love you from the depths of my heart
And nothing here will tear us apart
Everything's beautiful with You
Everything's beautiful when you invade my life
And I'm living just to say I love you

We're getting closer everyday
Chasing the dreams that heaven gave
Hallelujah, here we come
We're getting closer every day
Into your arms I'm here to stay
We're much stronger when we're one
Hallelujah, here we come
Yes, I love You
Oh, I love You

It's so late...why am I not sleeping?..feel like blogging..

I don't really like Sundays because I know I have to go back to uni the next day but I really look forward to Fridays because I can come home. Today I taught Sunday School and I thank God that the two boys understood what I taught. Somtimes it's hard to teach them because I don't know what they are thinking and it's so hard for them to respond. Well, it's a good thing that they know what I taught them. This week will be another hectic week for me. I will be having two tests this thursday. I think during this time of hardship, God wants me to learn many things. But I still don't know what I'm learning. Maybe its patience and perseverance. I know I'm not a very patient person and I really need to be patient more often. I guess when I'm really weak and troubled, it's time for me to surrender my life to God. So often I do things according to my own strength and that's why I always feel tired.

I think despite of all the problems, I can still be joyful. Joy does not depend on circumstances. We can be joyful even though we face trials. This is something I hope to learn in this time of hardship. Hope that I can be joyful all the time.

I'm feeling tired.So tired. So many things are on my mind and it has been a great burden for me to carry. I just wish I can escape everything but I can't. This is the reality of life. It can't be easy all the time. This semester, I have classes from morning till afternoon and most of the days I only go back to my room in the evening. I got so much to study and so many assignments. I really feel like giving up but I can't, I must move on. I'm phisycally tired and mentally tired. I wonder if I can cope. I just entrust everything to God.

I hope to share with someone so that I can release the pressure in me..

I...

I wish......I wish......I wish.....
And nothing happens
Feeling down.....
And then it happens.....
I feel happy.....
And then suddenly....
I'm down again.....
These are my feelings...
About something.....
About someone....

I'm force to think. This is what my education subjects require me to do. It's not that my Science subjects don't make me think but this time it's thinking in a different way. What is my philosophy as a teacher? First of all I don't really like the word philosophy. It sounds so self-centred and what others think don't matter to me. But then come to think of it, this word has
made me realise my role as a teacher (or a teacher-to-be). What is my moral stand? What do I want to instil into my students? What type of knowledge do I want to emphasize?

I want my students to appreciate what they learn and be able to apply whenever necessary. I like it when teachers make me have interest in the certain subject. My physics teacher made me hate the subject so much and because of that I didn't really understand what I was studying. I think everyone has a unique personality even those who are in the last class. Even students with disciplinary problems have feelings and emotions. Will I ignore these group of people and stereotype them as failures who will not succeed in life? But most importantly will I have the patience when I face such people?

I just can't imagine what teacher I would be. Will I be inspiring? Will I be destructive? There are just so many questions. I can only answer them as time goes by.

Today was a fun day. Sometime our relatives can make us laugh and laugh. We had our reunion lunch in Klang and we have it every year. My uncle told us that he had to take his dog to the vet. He had to fill up a card which needed all the dog's particulars. On the space where he needed to write the dog's name, he wrote the name Dino s/o Donno...Mike and I couldn't stop laughing..heheh..Indeed it's so impossible to know the father of a dog, especially if its not a pedigree.

And our little Miss Debbie entertained us with her new stunt. While she was lying down, she was holding her milk bottle with her two feet (not her hands!) and drinking from it...Who knows, one day she might be a gymnast! And she always says 'WOW!' when she likes something..

I thank God for happy times, when we can all laugh together. I thank God for sad times, when we can encourage and comfort one another. I thank God for stressful times, when we can lean on one another. I thank God for trials, so we can can be stronger. I thank God...that I can depend on Him for everything.

An old year has gone, a new year has arrived

BUT
I don't feel so excited...
I didn't wish to feel like that but..
I still can't let go of my feelings..the feelings still want to stay in me but..
I've got to let go and move on because..
I can't continue to live my life always feeling disappointed..
God has a better plan for me..
So I try to remind myself ..
It's hard..
To just think I've got to let go..
Will there be any hope left?
Just one more chance?
It's hard to let go of these emotions..

So I've started my classes...

I've decided to drop my Chemistry subject after knowing that its very tough from my seniours. I don't want to take a hard subject for one of my luar jabatan courses because my main subjects are tough enough. So for my luar jabatan subjects, I plan to take a geology and a geography subject next semester.

I'm slowly beginning to like this new semester and it really takes time. I want to thank God for what had happened today. You see, I went in slightly late for my Asas Falsafah & Pendidikan class(forgot to ask my friend to keep a seat for me,silly me) because I was in the computer lab trying to change my subjects. So..I had to sit on the stairs with some others. And then the lecturer came is and she told all those who were sitting on the stairs to leave the lecture hall and join the other class...Oh no!... If there's no more space then I had to drop the subject. But then suddenly, a girl from behind me told me that there's en extra seat. Thank God!. I was the only one from the rest who did not need to go out. What a day.

And I think my biology lecturer is a Christian because she said ' Hallulujah, thank God' after saying that we only discover what is there on earth because we humans cannot make those things(such as our human cell, plants, etc) She's been so encouraging to us during our first lesson. And she said that God has a plan for putting us here in UM even though we may not like it. Since we're placed here, we must do our best in everything and enjoy the life here. See, our lectures won't be so boring if we have lecturers like her.

Semester kedua, Sesi 2005/2006

I'm having the mood to update my blog which doesn't come so frequently.

It's after 12am, a new day, a new semester. I'm really trying to be optimistic here because I really don't have the mood to go back to uni. Well, life still goes on,rite?. I'm satisfied with my previous semester's results. Really, it's by God's strength and His mercy that I got those results. Quite sad because I don't have anymore Geology subjects. I really enjoyed studying it, suprisingly, and also because of much encouragement from my sister.

So this new semester, I'm taking the following papers:
TITAS II
Biologi Populasi
Biologi Sel
Amali Biologi
Prinsip-prinsip Kimia
Asas Falsafah Dan Pendidikan di Malaysia
Perancangan Ko-Kurikulum Dalam Sains

I commit everything to God...

Move in me

A very meaningful song by Michael W. Smith

I am only human
Struggling to find
Confidence in all that I believe
You are only holy
You are love divine
And you have said to ask and I'll recieve
So I have come to pray
That you will come and fill
The hunger here inside me to grow
Stronger in the faith
There's a longing and a need
To have you ever closer
Come fill me

Cause when you move in me
It's like a symphony
The timeless melody
That soothes my soul
Though silent I can tell
That you're alive and well
Cause I can feel you move
In me

What they try to tell me
Is that Your is false
And faith is just a wayI choose to feel
And that there was no meaning
To You upon the cross
And I should reach for something that is real
And when those words are said
The questions in me start
And I don't have any answers
Until I stop thinking with my head
And start listening to my heart
And there I find my assurance
I tell them

Chorus

What I was thinking while cycling around Taman Seri

What happens after we die?How is heaven like?What is it like seeing God face to face?We won't live on Earth anymore. I'm just wondering how different it would be. No suffering. No pain. No disappointments. No sadness. Everything that was accomplished on Earth will be useless. Our success. Our titles. Our wealth. What will be of worth, that will last for eternity? Are we living our lives to the fullest? Do we think we are living our life to the fullest? How do we know? Are we doing things that will have an eternal value?

Christmas........

Christmas...has been quite lonely,
Amelia is not here for the first time,
Timmy & Aida,
The two brats Daniel and Andrew plus the little angel Laura are not around,
It's so different,
BUT,
on a happier side,Mike & Wuey Ping with thier mischivious daughter were here,
Debbie really entertained us a lot, I'm so amused by her!

This Christmas, I pondered on the grace of God. How He so freely gives us grace which we do not deserve and we so often take it for granted...what we do does not count in order for us to be saved..God sent Jesus Christ to save us while we were yet sinners.I thank God that I can have Him as my comfort when life seems so hard. Life can be hard and I'm faced with some disapointments and challenges sometimes.

This Christmas, friendships were renewed. I thank God for friends who are there to encourage one another to grow in the Lord and to cheer us up when we're sad. I thank God for some close and special friends who will always be there when I'm in need, to be crazy enough to make me laugh like a crazy person :-) I'm so grateful and thankful.

This Christmas, I am touched by the evangelistic meetings we had. The 1st one in Chodoi-I pray that the hearts of the people will be touched by the message and that soon they will receive the gift of salvation freely.
The 2nd meeting in TPG-I'm so excited to see so many people who turned up even the Indians. I thank God that our 'Saturday Sunday School' has many children. I pray that as the seeds have been planted in these young children, it will grow deeply and be nourished by the Word of God. I'm so happy to see thier enthusiasm to learn more about a God who was unknown to them before.
The 3rd meeting in the orang asli village. I'm so touched to see so many people esp little children. They were so excited to see so many people (and so much food!). I'm specially touched to see many of my former orang asli students. Surprisingly they remember me! I pray that they will open up their hearts to receive the good news which they've never heard before, to understand that there is a God who loves them so much.
Finally, the last meeting on the 24th Dec. I thank God for giving me the opportunity to take part in it and I really enjoyed it so much! The performances were good and especially the sketch(although I cannot understand a bit what it means). I thank God dat many people turned up and maybe God has a plan for them to come and I pray dat someday(soon), they will come to God.

This year's Christmas has been so meaningful. I'm really am so overjoyed! Honour & Glory be unto God!

For unto us a child is born,
to us a son is given,
and the government shall be on His shoulders.
And He will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God,
Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.