So true.

Let That Be Enough-Switchfoot

I wish I had what I needed

To be on my own

'Cause I feel so defeated

And I'm feeling alone
Most of the times I treat God as One whom I can always demand from. I want to fill the emptiness inside with temporary happiness and pleasure. I end up feeling lonely, empty and defeated. What is the purpose of living? I'm going to give up living. I'm going to give up on life. It is utterly meaningless. Where is hope?

And it all seems so helpless

And I have no plans

I'm a plane in the sunset

With nowhere to land
Life is so frail and uncertain. What am I living for? There is no time to live aimlessly. Everything seems so scary. How to move on? How look forward to the unknown?

And all I see

It could never make me happy

And all my sand castles

Spend their time collapsing
Yes, I have been building sand castles all these years just to see them collapsing. None of them have come true. Oh, how I spend my time thinking of what should be and what could be. I am always hoping for that someone to fill me, to complement me. All my sand castles have collapsed. What will come true and what will remain as a fantasy or a dream?

Let me know that You hear me

Let me know Your touch

Let me know that You love me

And let that be enough
He is the 'I AM' who is with me even in the storms of my life. He is the 'I AM' who will not change in this ever changing world filled with such fickled minded people like me. He is the 'I AM' who fills my loneliness and emptiness with His presence and love. He is the 'I AM' who hears from the depths of my heart and knows the sorrow that is so overwhelming. Nothing in this world can satisfy me. Nothing. No matter how hard I search for, I will not find anything that is of worth. He is enough for me.

Tired. Worned out. And my tune (the one that I forgot a few days ago) is now STUCK on my mind. Oh my...

Don't bother, again.

Donkey Calculus II is making me go nuts. I still don't know why I chose Maths as my minor. Too late to turn back.

Lately I've been spending a lot of time in front of the...no not the computer..but my piano. I guess it's to release my so called accumulated stress. Really? Think positively! I don't want my stress level to reach the critical stage. Hmmmph! Sometimes I would churn out my own tunes on the piano. And just now I was a bit frustrated because I forgot the tune I played this morning. Such unnecessary frustration I tell you.

Sigh.

Having that mood.

Don't bother.

Feels one kind thinking about that.

Have not felt like this for a long, long time.

Even though it's gone, something still remains.

Although that presence has long gone since, something still remains.

Ooh, I've not been so cryptic for a long, long time.

Feels good being cryptic, yet I want to shout it out loud. Nope, cannot.

Ah, Somewhere Out There-The Mouse version makes me want to cry. Reminds me of so many things. My childhood, my past, few years ago.

Do woodpeckers have headache?

A divergent from my cryptic post.

Nope, they don't suffer from headaches although they cant stop knocking trees. God made them like that.

Phew, what a day. What has happened the last few days? Madness.

Alright, time to stop my emo-ness and think about my future.

Yeah rite.

iPOTs + Random

Well, I came back from iPOTs a few days back and now I'm forced to face my Etika, Calculus II, and Bio notes. Help! Four days of meeting and talking to so many people have now made my home seem unusually quiet.

***

iPOTs was a time of much reflection, rest and also reminder to what I was called to do. More than 3 years have passed since I made that decision to become a teacher and there were times when I forget and became so complacent to that calling. I'm still left with less than 2 years or maybe more than that before I start teaching. Will I still be the same person that will have the same passion to teach?

To me, He is a God of Assurance. He assures me that He will take care of everything. He will take care of my parents and he will take care of my future, my family. Am I willing to follow Him to where He takes me to even if it means going to a place far away from home, from Selangor?

***

Rev. Hwa Yung challenged us to look at Malaysia. To look at at the grim situation of our country. There are missing voices everywhere and many are choosing to run away from it instead of facing it. He urges us to be brutally honest with ourselves and with God. Few questions were raised: Are we willing to be sacrificial? Are we willing to dirty our hands? Are we willing to live in the midst of inequality out there? What are we Christians doing about it? And it's sad to know that many are choosing to leave this country because they cannot deal with inequality and because they feel that this country has nothing to offer them. Where are our voices? Do we know what is happening to our country?

"After 50 years, our church has yet to answer its relevance to our society"

***

If only all of us realise what God wants us to do. Wake up! There is not much time! How long will you dwell in your own weaknesses and hurts that you will not allow God to heal you because you think that you can be in control of your life? Wake up! There is not much time left. You know your life is like a vapour. It will be taken away from you one day and it will be too late by then.

***

Wait. You and I need to wait. To wait upon the Lord because His timing is perfect. Wait so that you and I will be able to grow into the persons God want us to be. Wait even though it may be a long time and the future may seem uncertain. It will be worth the wait. I know. Just wait.

Hello!

So it has been a long time since I actually blogged about something. August, September and the first week of October were crazy and difficult months. But by God's grace and strength I was able to pull through! I guess there are so many lessons in life that are learnt well only when you decide to go through it gracefully. Yeah, it was rough. I don't think I handled a few and new situations well but I know that God is always by my side. Really, I think I would have gone bonkers, gone nuts, if it were not of His kind assurance. This semester has really open doors for me to discover myself- the good and bad side of me. Was not easy but yeah, I survived!

Thanks for all of your encouragement! And to those faithful ones who always leave comments on my blog I really appreciate it so much!!

Sigh. Wanted to upload some pictures but Blogger's having some problems

I'm off to POTS tomorrow! I guess somewhere in the world, there is a PANS or SPOONS or FORKS conference going on. (ahh....lame, time to go to sleep ajw) I'm a TOT going to meet people who are HOT and a whole LOT of other people! People have been speculating that I will find a TOT or a HOT or a LOT at POTS. Well, ya know what...it's unlikely to happen.hehehe...

POTS=Professionals of Tomorrow

TOTS=Teachers of Tomorrow

LOTS & HOTS=Lawyers & Health Care

Who knows in the future there will be SOTS or EOTS or GOTS. (Scientists, Economists/Ecologists, Geologists)..lame again...Time to go to bed.

:-)

I'm a happy girl today.

I am still surviving!

Will write more when I have the time.

I foresee next week to be a busy week.

Yeah, bring it on!

Yeah rite.

Read! Not the usual song you always hear on the radio

My Wish

by Rascal Flatts

I hope that the days come easy and the moments pass slow,

And each road leads you where you want to go,

And if you're faced with a choice, and you have to choose,

I hope you choose the one that means the most to you.

And if one door opens to another door closed,

I hope you keep on walkin' till you find the window,

If it's cold outside, show the world the warmth of your smile,

But more than anything, more than anything,

My wish, for you, is that this life becomes all that you want it to,

Your dreams stay big, and your worries stay small,

You never need to carry more than you can hold,

And while you're out there getting where you're getting to,

I hope you know somebody loves you, and wants the same things too,

Yeah, this, is my wish.

I hope you never look back, but ya never forget,

All the ones who love you, in the place you left,

I hope you always forgive, and you never regret,

And you help somebody every chance you get,

Oh, you find God's grace, in every mistake,

And you always give more than you take.

But more than anything, yeah, and more than anything,

My wish, for you, is that this life becomes all that you want it to,

Your dreams stay big, and your worries stay small,

You never need to carry more than you can hold,

And while you're out there getting where you're getting to,

I hope you know somebody loves you, and wants the same things too,

Yeah, this, is my wish.

My wish, for you, is that this life becomes all that you want it to,
Your dreams stay big, and your worries stay small,
You never need to carry more than you can hold,
And while you're out there getting where you're getting to,
I hope you know somebody loves you, and wants the same things too,

Yeah, this, is my wish.
This is my wish
I hope you know somebody loves you
May all your dreams stay big

Blue, Blue Friday

My heart is troubled. Extremely. Super. Very. To the max. Really.

Temporary stress relieve:
http://www.webworksllc.com/Bananaphone-Badgerphone.cfm

http://www.webworksllc.com/Llamasong.cfm

Sigh.

I Like You

Sister sent this to me. Really made my day.

Sad

Two people this year.

Just received another sad news on the demise of another church elder, Uncle Koh Ting Tiew, who is a friend of my family, an uncle of my friend, and a teacher who taught me during RBS. There are just so many people dying of cancer nowadays. What has this world come to? Once again I'm reminded of how life is like a vapour, it won't stay for long. It comes and it goes. Suddenly life is snapped away from you just like that but it is God who decides how long you live and when you will die. Do I realise the urgency of doing what God wants me to do? There isn't time for disobedience for I do not know how much time I have in this world. There isn't time for procrastination for I know there is so much to be done.

How will I choose to live my life?

How nice if you are that one?

Sometimes I fear what people would think. I remind myself that God and not them who looks at my heart. Why should I be afraid?

How would you feel if you had to sit in the HEP office for 3 hours, skip one class just to meet a man who is about to tell you a not-so-good news about PKV and then ends up not meeting him at all because he is just too busy to come to up to his office?

It only happens in UM. I hope so.

Ding Dong

It's done. Phew. Didn't know that to apply for PKV's annual general meeting, I need to submit so much benda to HEP. Well, it will be my final responsibility as a secretary. I've learnt a lot, learnt to be more confident in meeting people. Really? I'm still a bit shy, sometimes...most of the time?

I had a great time at Bukit Tinggi with two closed friends. Too bad the one with the name 'adelene' minus the -ne behind couldn't go. Apalah you Ipoh Ah Moi! Well, it was my first time going there. Now, why didn't I think of bringing a camera? Oh ya, I don't even have one.

We saw trees. saw flowers. saw sexy pink flower. saw mike the monkey's relatives. went to french village. saw no french people. ate pizza not made by a french man. drank coffee. bought a very special plant seed. sat in a stream. swam in the swimming pool. saw a couple doing *ahem ahem in the pool. blowed big bubbles. talked. ate. laughed. prayed together.

It was so good. Now again, allow me to lament a bit, why are there only 2 days plus 1 public holiday this weekend?

Oh, ajw, stop complaining

Series of unfortunate events

Got a shock when I found out that my father fell down and hit his forehead. His forehead is quite swollen and blue black. Doctor said that the impact is the same if you were boxed by someone on the face. I'm really not used to seeing bruises especially on my father. But I thank God that he didn't hit the most sensitive part of his head. That would be so,so terrible.I worry for my parents especially when they are are sick. Nothing I can do but to leave them in God's hands.

After dad fell down (which was at the petrol station), he still wanted to go to work. Minutes after that, a dog suddenly ran towards the car and hit it. The impact, of course killed the dog and damaged the front part of the car. Dad now realised that maybe God wanted him not to go to work but to go back home and rest. His blood pressure was super high after the fall, it would not be good if he continued working the whole day.

Phew~

***
ajw is off to Bukit Tinggi for the weekend.Yay!

ajw is waiting patiently, but the time hasn't come yet.

Yesterday, Today

I had a great weekend although I wish there are 3 days in a weekend instead of 2. Had my second brother and his family over at our house after 6 months of being away from here. Well, I had a great time(plus a few minor 'shocks' when he told some things..hehe.you'd never know what they are). Little Debbie is so grown up already and little Enoch is such an angel. :-)

It's going to be one hectic week for me. ajw thinks so. It's time for me to add more fuel to the progress of my assignments. My college choir is going to present an item this coming Tuesday for the Ministry of Higher Education. Gone is my Tuesday morning. Plus, it's going to be a week of the 'revealing'. I pray for courage and assurance. Didn't see this coming. Really.

The past whole week I was really so semangat-less. Honestly, I didn't feel like meeting people and I was a bit tired, I don't know why. I hope this week would be better. And then there is that something I've been praying for. It's been a while already. And I'm still waiting. How long it would be I do not know.

Today has been a super blur day for me. So blur to the extend that the makcik in the kitchen yelled at me for almost putting my plate at the wrong place. Donkey. Still recovering from flu.

Will tomorrow be a better day? I want it to be.

Won't you say something?

Psalm 100

Ring-a-ding-ding

It's been a very fruitful week and weekend for me. Although there were many complains from myself, I've learnt to accept the circumstances around me. I thank God for life. Yes, many things are not according to our expectations yet there is still much to discover, however hard it may be. You just need to persevere and carry on.

***

Little things I so often take for granted. But when I magnify it, it looks different from the way I always see it. These are the eggs of an insect that looks like a spider but it has six legs.

***

'The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom,

And the knowledge of the Holy One is understanding'

Last week I felt that the Lord was speaking to me about this and it was confirmed today when Dad spoke about 'Fearing God' during service. 'Understanding'. It's knowing what is happening to us, the people around us, and the world. We cannot know it by ourselves but it is God who shows it to us. We would never understand our situations unless we have a reverential fear towards God.

***

The Mum finally came back from The Land Down Under. Everyone was anticipating her return to Malaysia because 2 months seemed like a year. Well, I'm glad that her journey back home was fine. Was praying hard for for safety back home.

So it's already her second day at home and I can tell you the tremendous changes she has made to our house. Gosh. She reorganised the whole sitting room and the big old faithful piano found itself into a new spot. Despite of all the noise from my sister and Dad, she was still determined to change everything. But, it turned out well. Something different for a change. It's good to have her home. But The Eldest Son has booked her again for 1 month next year! Oh dear. Let next year worry for itself.