Argh, so many things to do!

There are not many words from me lately. Maybe because I don't know how to express them here and also maybe because there's so many things to do and I feel that I should not blog unless I have done those things.Hmmmph!

Oh well..I think my camera has mood swings. Or maybe it's just me. Sometimes it's so easy to get a clear shot, sometimes it's a bit difficult. I don't know. And I just found out why my images don't enlarge when I click them and it's all Blogger's fault. Solving this problem is so complicated.

oh dear, it's so heartbreaking...

This is worth it.

They give me joy.These are some of the Pulau Banting Orang Asli kids from our Sunday(or Saturday) School that a few of us conduct every Saturday. Such simple lives they live yet they are contented with what they have. I'm so glad that some of them have actually grown spiritually(and physicially too), since this Sunday School began at this place. However, there is still a long way more to go and I pray that the seed that has been planted in them will grow and be rooted firmly in God's word.

Bingo!

Today, ajw got up at noon and is feeling very guilty and she did not go back to college and she skipped choir and is feeling even more guilty.Oops...

Will blog on THE camp after I have come back from uni on Friday. Hopefully..

Job

Ande he prayed this..
"The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away. Blessed be the name of the Lord"

And Job did not sin or do wrong against God

"I know that You can do everything and that no purpose of Yours can be withheld from You"

What a timely reminder in hard and weird times like these.

When God gently reminds me to keep on waiting. Be patient.

Ah, this picture makes me smile! Polar bears do fascinate me a lot. Look at its *bum,bum* sticking out! How cute is that! :-) Got this from drudgereport.com

The Lord's Prayer

Someone once said...

I cannot say 'our' if I live only for myself.

I cannot say 'Father' if I do not act like His child.

I cannot say 'who art in heaven' if I'm laying up no treasure there.

I cannot say 'hallowed be Thy name' if I am not striving for holiness.

I cannot say 'Thy kingdom come' if I am not doing all in my power to hasten that event.

I cannot say 'give us this day out daily bread' if I am dishonest, or seeking something for nothing.

I cannot say 'forgive us our trespasses' if I bear a grudge against another.

I cannot say 'lead us not into temptation' if I delibrately place myself in its path.

I cannot say 'deliver is from evil' if I do not put on the armour of God.

I cannot say 'thine is the kingdom the power and glory' if I do not give the King the loyalty due to Him from a faithful subject.

And I cannot say 'forever' if the horizon of my life is bounded completely by time.

Having that wierd feeling inside me now.

Can't wait for it to come to pass.

It has left me feeling flabbergasted. Wondering aimlessly. Wandering aimlessly.

You are rejected!

Someone once told me that he's afraid of rejection. At that time of being told that, I felt that I could handle rejection. I mean, bring it on! How bad could it be right? And then today I was thinking. I realised and remembered that I too, to a certain extend am afraid of it. It caused me a whole year of frustration. How could I forget that year? Well, it's a good thing that I got over it and have moved on. Recurrence still happens but it is not so bad as before. But I am still afraid of being rejected. It's hard to even grapple with it.

The 20's phase is a hard phase to be in. With so many people being on the same boat as I'm in doesn't really help a lot. As I get older, the fear of rejection is greater although nothing has started yet. If you get what I mean, you would know what I'm really trying to say here. Oh well, I will still wait...if it means waiting a gazillion years. If it's worth the wait.

I will wait upon my Lord....

I have absolutely no mood to study for my last paper on Tuesday-Prinsip dan Teknologi Pengajaran.

Fantastic.

Fabulous.

Absolutely fabulous.

Sweet.

Just came back from my Indian friends' houses for Deepavali. It's so good to meet them after a long, long time and to just catch up with what has been happening. More of the gossiping type...hehe...

'Oh, how is she? What?! She got married to a New Zealander and she's staying there now?'

'Yeah, that we already know long ago. She got pregnant.....'

'hmm...he married a girl who stayed near his house'

...and the usual hook up and break up stories.

'So, what's your secret ah, ajw? What?! Still got no boyfriend ar? Nevermind, I send in my application and see how....'

Much has changed between us but there are some parts of us that remain the same. And I'm glad that these group of people whom I met still remain the same old friends and people I knew back then in secondary school. I will never forget them...

The past.

What an emotional roller coster it has been for the past two weeks.

I'm going to get a new camera! I did not expect them to agree on this. The second brother and my parents told me that I can use that money to buy a good camera. I thought it was for my fees, and they said the first brother will pay for it. Oh, and the elder sister doesn't know anything about this. It's so nice being the fourth child. Aah, family business. :-)

Well, recently...or precisely last week before exams, I took out my RBS '03 journal to read for fun. I keep it close to me because I occasionally read it to remember those days. Yeah, I'll never forget the one month up there at HCC. And as I read, I laughed at the things I wrote. Silly ones. Weird ones. Serious ones. Sad ones. Frustating ones. But it was good. My heart felt one kind..you know..that different kind of feeling you have when you'd read a journal that was written few years ago. It was nice.

29 December 2003

...'I thank you Lord for giving me parents who care for me. Especially Daddy who really encouraged me to join RBS. Thank you for opening this door for me to draw closer to you...'

...'I thank you Lord for reminding me that faith in you really works....'

2 January 2004

...'Be still and know that You are God. Sometimes I think and worry too much about life that I fail to be silent and think of You...'

10 January 2004

...'Firstly, our thanks goes to the 'penjaga' who was standing near Maybank. He told Puay En that a Mat Salleh (I presume it must be Colin) put a note behind the advertisement board..hehe'

12 January 2004

...'When we came down from the bus when we reached 6th mile Orang Asli village, we were all on the look out for chickens. Poor Puay En, she has this phobia for chickens...'

15 January 2004

...'I think not of of relatives who have passed away but I think of my friends who are very close to me now. I think about this particular friend who still has yet to know about the truth. His faith is really blinding him. I try to tell but the right words just doesn't come out...'

16 January 2004

...'We are called to to love those who are different, difficult and challenging. We don't get to pick and choose...'

...'Yeah Lord, love is so easy to talk about but it's hard to accomplish. Always we tend to love each other 'because' or 'when' rather than 'in spite of'. God loves us in spite of ourselves, our past, our mistakes and our failures....'

Those were some of the many things that were written. And then I look at the last page of my journal and saw something that was written by a budak who was my mission team mate (*cough, Chris Koh, cough*)

"Neway, i rEaLLY hope I didn't kacau u until i make u angRy...soRilloR"

Well, these are the things I will always remember. I still see some of them occasionally, especially the super tall UM law student, itu budak who is studying at USM and a sweet girl whom I sometimes meet at PJGH and recently we met at POTS. :-)

So true.

Let That Be Enough-Switchfoot

I wish I had what I needed

To be on my own

'Cause I feel so defeated

And I'm feeling alone
Most of the times I treat God as One whom I can always demand from. I want to fill the emptiness inside with temporary happiness and pleasure. I end up feeling lonely, empty and defeated. What is the purpose of living? I'm going to give up living. I'm going to give up on life. It is utterly meaningless. Where is hope?

And it all seems so helpless

And I have no plans

I'm a plane in the sunset

With nowhere to land
Life is so frail and uncertain. What am I living for? There is no time to live aimlessly. Everything seems so scary. How to move on? How look forward to the unknown?

And all I see

It could never make me happy

And all my sand castles

Spend their time collapsing
Yes, I have been building sand castles all these years just to see them collapsing. None of them have come true. Oh, how I spend my time thinking of what should be and what could be. I am always hoping for that someone to fill me, to complement me. All my sand castles have collapsed. What will come true and what will remain as a fantasy or a dream?

Let me know that You hear me

Let me know Your touch

Let me know that You love me

And let that be enough
He is the 'I AM' who is with me even in the storms of my life. He is the 'I AM' who will not change in this ever changing world filled with such fickled minded people like me. He is the 'I AM' who fills my loneliness and emptiness with His presence and love. He is the 'I AM' who hears from the depths of my heart and knows the sorrow that is so overwhelming. Nothing in this world can satisfy me. Nothing. No matter how hard I search for, I will not find anything that is of worth. He is enough for me.

Tired. Worned out. And my tune (the one that I forgot a few days ago) is now STUCK on my mind. Oh my...

Don't bother, again.

Donkey Calculus II is making me go nuts. I still don't know why I chose Maths as my minor. Too late to turn back.

Lately I've been spending a lot of time in front of the...no not the computer..but my piano. I guess it's to release my so called accumulated stress. Really? Think positively! I don't want my stress level to reach the critical stage. Hmmmph! Sometimes I would churn out my own tunes on the piano. And just now I was a bit frustrated because I forgot the tune I played this morning. Such unnecessary frustration I tell you.

Sigh.

Having that mood.

Don't bother.

Feels one kind thinking about that.

Have not felt like this for a long, long time.

Even though it's gone, something still remains.

Although that presence has long gone since, something still remains.

Ooh, I've not been so cryptic for a long, long time.

Feels good being cryptic, yet I want to shout it out loud. Nope, cannot.

Ah, Somewhere Out There-The Mouse version makes me want to cry. Reminds me of so many things. My childhood, my past, few years ago.

Do woodpeckers have headache?

A divergent from my cryptic post.

Nope, they don't suffer from headaches although they cant stop knocking trees. God made them like that.

Phew, what a day. What has happened the last few days? Madness.

Alright, time to stop my emo-ness and think about my future.

Yeah rite.

iPOTs + Random

Well, I came back from iPOTs a few days back and now I'm forced to face my Etika, Calculus II, and Bio notes. Help! Four days of meeting and talking to so many people have now made my home seem unusually quiet.

***

iPOTs was a time of much reflection, rest and also reminder to what I was called to do. More than 3 years have passed since I made that decision to become a teacher and there were times when I forget and became so complacent to that calling. I'm still left with less than 2 years or maybe more than that before I start teaching. Will I still be the same person that will have the same passion to teach?

To me, He is a God of Assurance. He assures me that He will take care of everything. He will take care of my parents and he will take care of my future, my family. Am I willing to follow Him to where He takes me to even if it means going to a place far away from home, from Selangor?

***

Rev. Hwa Yung challenged us to look at Malaysia. To look at at the grim situation of our country. There are missing voices everywhere and many are choosing to run away from it instead of facing it. He urges us to be brutally honest with ourselves and with God. Few questions were raised: Are we willing to be sacrificial? Are we willing to dirty our hands? Are we willing to live in the midst of inequality out there? What are we Christians doing about it? And it's sad to know that many are choosing to leave this country because they cannot deal with inequality and because they feel that this country has nothing to offer them. Where are our voices? Do we know what is happening to our country?

"After 50 years, our church has yet to answer its relevance to our society"

***

If only all of us realise what God wants us to do. Wake up! There is not much time! How long will you dwell in your own weaknesses and hurts that you will not allow God to heal you because you think that you can be in control of your life? Wake up! There is not much time left. You know your life is like a vapour. It will be taken away from you one day and it will be too late by then.

***

Wait. You and I need to wait. To wait upon the Lord because His timing is perfect. Wait so that you and I will be able to grow into the persons God want us to be. Wait even though it may be a long time and the future may seem uncertain. It will be worth the wait. I know. Just wait.

Hello!

So it has been a long time since I actually blogged about something. August, September and the first week of October were crazy and difficult months. But by God's grace and strength I was able to pull through! I guess there are so many lessons in life that are learnt well only when you decide to go through it gracefully. Yeah, it was rough. I don't think I handled a few and new situations well but I know that God is always by my side. Really, I think I would have gone bonkers, gone nuts, if it were not of His kind assurance. This semester has really open doors for me to discover myself- the good and bad side of me. Was not easy but yeah, I survived!

Thanks for all of your encouragement! And to those faithful ones who always leave comments on my blog I really appreciate it so much!!

Sigh. Wanted to upload some pictures but Blogger's having some problems

I'm off to POTS tomorrow! I guess somewhere in the world, there is a PANS or SPOONS or FORKS conference going on. (ahh....lame, time to go to sleep ajw) I'm a TOT going to meet people who are HOT and a whole LOT of other people! People have been speculating that I will find a TOT or a HOT or a LOT at POTS. Well, ya know what...it's unlikely to happen.hehehe...

POTS=Professionals of Tomorrow

TOTS=Teachers of Tomorrow

LOTS & HOTS=Lawyers & Health Care

Who knows in the future there will be SOTS or EOTS or GOTS. (Scientists, Economists/Ecologists, Geologists)..lame again...Time to go to bed.

:-)

I'm a happy girl today.

I am still surviving!

Will write more when I have the time.

I foresee next week to be a busy week.

Yeah, bring it on!

Yeah rite.

Read! Not the usual song you always hear on the radio

My Wish

by Rascal Flatts

I hope that the days come easy and the moments pass slow,

And each road leads you where you want to go,

And if you're faced with a choice, and you have to choose,

I hope you choose the one that means the most to you.

And if one door opens to another door closed,

I hope you keep on walkin' till you find the window,

If it's cold outside, show the world the warmth of your smile,

But more than anything, more than anything,

My wish, for you, is that this life becomes all that you want it to,

Your dreams stay big, and your worries stay small,

You never need to carry more than you can hold,

And while you're out there getting where you're getting to,

I hope you know somebody loves you, and wants the same things too,

Yeah, this, is my wish.

I hope you never look back, but ya never forget,

All the ones who love you, in the place you left,

I hope you always forgive, and you never regret,

And you help somebody every chance you get,

Oh, you find God's grace, in every mistake,

And you always give more than you take.

But more than anything, yeah, and more than anything,

My wish, for you, is that this life becomes all that you want it to,

Your dreams stay big, and your worries stay small,

You never need to carry more than you can hold,

And while you're out there getting where you're getting to,

I hope you know somebody loves you, and wants the same things too,

Yeah, this, is my wish.

My wish, for you, is that this life becomes all that you want it to,
Your dreams stay big, and your worries stay small,
You never need to carry more than you can hold,
And while you're out there getting where you're getting to,
I hope you know somebody loves you, and wants the same things too,

Yeah, this, is my wish.
This is my wish
I hope you know somebody loves you
May all your dreams stay big

Blue, Blue Friday

My heart is troubled. Extremely. Super. Very. To the max. Really.

Temporary stress relieve:
http://www.webworksllc.com/Bananaphone-Badgerphone.cfm

http://www.webworksllc.com/Llamasong.cfm

Sigh.

I Like You

Sister sent this to me. Really made my day.

Sad

Two people this year.

Just received another sad news on the demise of another church elder, Uncle Koh Ting Tiew, who is a friend of my family, an uncle of my friend, and a teacher who taught me during RBS. There are just so many people dying of cancer nowadays. What has this world come to? Once again I'm reminded of how life is like a vapour, it won't stay for long. It comes and it goes. Suddenly life is snapped away from you just like that but it is God who decides how long you live and when you will die. Do I realise the urgency of doing what God wants me to do? There isn't time for disobedience for I do not know how much time I have in this world. There isn't time for procrastination for I know there is so much to be done.

How will I choose to live my life?

How nice if you are that one?

Sometimes I fear what people would think. I remind myself that God and not them who looks at my heart. Why should I be afraid?

How would you feel if you had to sit in the HEP office for 3 hours, skip one class just to meet a man who is about to tell you a not-so-good news about PKV and then ends up not meeting him at all because he is just too busy to come to up to his office?

It only happens in UM. I hope so.

Ding Dong

It's done. Phew. Didn't know that to apply for PKV's annual general meeting, I need to submit so much benda to HEP. Well, it will be my final responsibility as a secretary. I've learnt a lot, learnt to be more confident in meeting people. Really? I'm still a bit shy, sometimes...most of the time?

I had a great time at Bukit Tinggi with two closed friends. Too bad the one with the name 'adelene' minus the -ne behind couldn't go. Apalah you Ipoh Ah Moi! Well, it was my first time going there. Now, why didn't I think of bringing a camera? Oh ya, I don't even have one.

We saw trees. saw flowers. saw sexy pink flower. saw mike the monkey's relatives. went to french village. saw no french people. ate pizza not made by a french man. drank coffee. bought a very special plant seed. sat in a stream. swam in the swimming pool. saw a couple doing *ahem ahem in the pool. blowed big bubbles. talked. ate. laughed. prayed together.

It was so good. Now again, allow me to lament a bit, why are there only 2 days plus 1 public holiday this weekend?

Oh, ajw, stop complaining

Series of unfortunate events

Got a shock when I found out that my father fell down and hit his forehead. His forehead is quite swollen and blue black. Doctor said that the impact is the same if you were boxed by someone on the face. I'm really not used to seeing bruises especially on my father. But I thank God that he didn't hit the most sensitive part of his head. That would be so,so terrible.I worry for my parents especially when they are are sick. Nothing I can do but to leave them in God's hands.

After dad fell down (which was at the petrol station), he still wanted to go to work. Minutes after that, a dog suddenly ran towards the car and hit it. The impact, of course killed the dog and damaged the front part of the car. Dad now realised that maybe God wanted him not to go to work but to go back home and rest. His blood pressure was super high after the fall, it would not be good if he continued working the whole day.

Phew~

***
ajw is off to Bukit Tinggi for the weekend.Yay!

ajw is waiting patiently, but the time hasn't come yet.

Yesterday, Today

I had a great weekend although I wish there are 3 days in a weekend instead of 2. Had my second brother and his family over at our house after 6 months of being away from here. Well, I had a great time(plus a few minor 'shocks' when he told some things..hehe.you'd never know what they are). Little Debbie is so grown up already and little Enoch is such an angel. :-)

It's going to be one hectic week for me. ajw thinks so. It's time for me to add more fuel to the progress of my assignments. My college choir is going to present an item this coming Tuesday for the Ministry of Higher Education. Gone is my Tuesday morning. Plus, it's going to be a week of the 'revealing'. I pray for courage and assurance. Didn't see this coming. Really.

The past whole week I was really so semangat-less. Honestly, I didn't feel like meeting people and I was a bit tired, I don't know why. I hope this week would be better. And then there is that something I've been praying for. It's been a while already. And I'm still waiting. How long it would be I do not know.

Today has been a super blur day for me. So blur to the extend that the makcik in the kitchen yelled at me for almost putting my plate at the wrong place. Donkey. Still recovering from flu.

Will tomorrow be a better day? I want it to be.

Won't you say something?

Psalm 100

Ring-a-ding-ding

It's been a very fruitful week and weekend for me. Although there were many complains from myself, I've learnt to accept the circumstances around me. I thank God for life. Yes, many things are not according to our expectations yet there is still much to discover, however hard it may be. You just need to persevere and carry on.

***

Little things I so often take for granted. But when I magnify it, it looks different from the way I always see it. These are the eggs of an insect that looks like a spider but it has six legs.

***

'The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom,

And the knowledge of the Holy One is understanding'

Last week I felt that the Lord was speaking to me about this and it was confirmed today when Dad spoke about 'Fearing God' during service. 'Understanding'. It's knowing what is happening to us, the people around us, and the world. We cannot know it by ourselves but it is God who shows it to us. We would never understand our situations unless we have a reverential fear towards God.

***

The Mum finally came back from The Land Down Under. Everyone was anticipating her return to Malaysia because 2 months seemed like a year. Well, I'm glad that her journey back home was fine. Was praying hard for for safety back home.

So it's already her second day at home and I can tell you the tremendous changes she has made to our house. Gosh. She reorganised the whole sitting room and the big old faithful piano found itself into a new spot. Despite of all the noise from my sister and Dad, she was still determined to change everything. But, it turned out well. Something different for a change. It's good to have her home. But The Eldest Son has booked her again for 1 month next year! Oh dear. Let next year worry for itself.

Drats...

It's absolutely ridicilous for the Education Faculty to tell us that we must start dressing up formally starting from the 1st of August. Imagine walking from my college to Edu Fac and then from Edu Fac all the way to Science fac wearing such uncomfortable shoes. I dare not think of the time when I need to walk for 10 minutes all the way to Genetics building for my Cytogenetics lecture.What nonsence! And no more jeans! It's not really a problem for me to wear skirts but this means more restrictions, y'know...how am I going to cross a very, very wide drain if I'm wearing a skirt? plus I've to be be extra berhati-hati when the wind blows. Grrrr!

Me going to have a cheese cake to calm me self down.

I shouldn't complain.

1994

Today I was brought back to the time when both of us were best friends. A girl by the name of Suzanne Tan was my first closest and best friend. We did a lot of that girly things together, you know, playing with Barbie dolls, masak-masak and other childish and silly games. But as the years went by, we became different and we slowly drifted apart. Today, I was wondering how she is in Australia. Have not seen her for so long and hearing from her mum, she'll probably settle down there for good. Sigh. Feeling a little bit nostalgic. Wish I could turn back time and make things better for the both of us. Why must people change as time passes by?

Talking about people changing.

Because you changed, I've not talked to you for more than a year. So sad right? We meet every week but we don't exchange words.

People. Mengapa kita semua macam ini?

Half closed eyes...

I will not gaze at my circumstances and glance at You. Instead I will gaze at You and glance at my circumstances.

Troubled times, yet I will continue singing for my Lord!

***

Wondering:Why roomie always plays music till the wee hours of the morning like 3am although she knows her roomie is sleeping? Sighs. So sleepy now. That's why I yearn for a good sleep when I go back home.

It almost sounds like Greek to you.

Oh how troubled am I. It's not big a deal but it's enough to make me into a confused and disoriented person. I' ve told you and only you about something. Yes, you know what I'm saying here. And now I don't know where I'm heading to. Recent circumstances hasn't been so good. Makes me even more frustrated because things are going out of my control. Ah, the word 'confused' has come back. It was missing for a year now, and now it's back.

I want to say out loud the thoughts inside me. Nope. Cannot. Only my God knows. Don't ask me.

Then why bother writing this cryptic post right?

It's really not so big a deal.

Remembering Camp Cam

7 km walk to Boh Tea plantation
Jason, my escort.hehe.

When things are looking down Lord, help me to look up to You!

Nonsence Words

2 weeks ago. We(me, SL and JH) were quite tickled with some funny words we found in Reader's Diegest-codswallop, brouhaha and ballyhoo. That's why, we now occasionally use these words in our conversations. hehe. So, during my attempt to find some more funny words (yeah, I'm very free today), I came across a funny poem with funny words in it. Some people have nothing else better to do than to invent silly and 'nonsence' words.

OK. Now, follow me and read this peom aloud!

Jabberwocky

'Twas brillig, and the slithy toves
Did gyre and gimble in the wabe:
All mimsy were the borogoves,
And the mome raths outgrabe.

"Beware the Jabberwock, my son!
The jaws that bite, the claws that catch!
Beware the Jubjub bird, and shun
The frumious Bandersnatch!"

He took his vorpal sword in hand:
Long time the manxome foe he sought—
So rested he by the Tumtum tree,
And stood awhile in thought.

And, as in uffish thought he stood,
The Jabberwock, with eyes of flame,
Came whiffling through the tulgey wood,
And burbled as it came!

One, two! One, two! And through and through
The vorpal blade went snicker-snack!
He left it dead, and with its head
He went galumphing back.

"And hast thou slain the Jabberwock?
Come to my arms, my beamish boy!
O frabjous day! Callooh! Callay!"
He chortled in his joy.

'Twas brillig, and the slithy toves
Did gyre and gimble in the wabe:
All mimsy were the borogoves,
And the mome raths outgrabe.

You can get the meaning of some of the words here

Ah, enough of nonsence today.

Hehe.

Last week, me, JH and SL went to our Ethics lecture and we faced that mean substitute lecturer. We had to combine with her class because our own lecturer was away. It was a dreadful experience I can tell you. You'd wonder how did UM appoint her as a lecturer in the first place. And of all lecturers, they had to choose a really un-ethical lecturer to teach us Teaching Ethics. It's so hard to respect this kind of person. Once she even mentioned a few racist remarks that caused a few students to leave the lecture hall. I too was a bit angry when she said it.

So while she was babbling codswallop in front, the 3 of us had our own private conversation.

Some artsy-fartsy stuff we did. My drawings. JH's colourings. SL provided the coloured pens. You know, the lecturer was using a Pendidikan Moral book to teach us!Aiyoyoh....

The only good thing that the lecturer did to the 3 of us was 'inspiring' us to order McD's after class. At one point she was talking about food(yeah, what has food got to do with ethics?) and so it was decided that SL shall dial 1300-13-1300 outside the lecture hall and order for the 3 of us. It was to be delivered to the Faculty of Education, UM. And so after class, we waited for 45 mins and I tell you, seeing the red McD's man on the motorbike was such a joy!

Me talking to Me.

Spent my 2 days at home shaking my legs, and letting time while away. Plus the weather which is cloudy-rain-cloudy-rain helped me sleep like a log which I've not done so for a long,long time. Ya rite.

Had that 'wondering' session with my self just now. When I look at some people whose lives seem to be so colourful, I tend to envy them a bit. They get to go to so many places and experience new things every month. And here I am stuck in one place the whole year and most of the time I am just going through the motions. So while I was in a state of discontentment, I had a super short conversation with myself

DissatisfiedAJW:

Why lar am I stuck here. Look at them, get to go here, go there, got lots of money. Somemore spend money like nobody's business. Life is so blissful. So colourful.

SatisfiedAJW:

Why are you complaining? What's the point of envying others? Be contented with what you have and live the life God has given you. You can't get everything you want you know. What do you mean by blissful and colourful? Isn't yours like that also?

DissatisfiedAJW:

Yes, of course I envy them! Why? Cannot ah? I am complaining because...errr...I feel like it. Suddenly I'm wondering why some things are just not fair. Y'know, some things don't happen to me but happen to them.

SatisfiedAJW:

Ah, you complainer. That's what Mum always calls you. When are you going to change? Why is there a need to complain? You have all the essential stuff. There wasn't a time when you didn't have money to buy the important things that you need. Be contented with what you have! So you measure your happiness by the things you have, is it? Don't! Ei brat, don't always complain and whine lar. Be thankful and grateful for what God has given you! And it's not good to envy others, y'know.

DissatisfiedAJW:

Ya....you got me this time.

***

Yup, I didn't have anything else better to do than to talk to myself. Sometimes I need to knock my own head and correct a few things in me.

On your mark, get set...GO!

Whee~Breezing through. I have a few minutes to warm up this chair before I go for my next class.

I'm always in a hurry to use the computer in the Science Computer Lab and I ain't got time to blog as much as I want. But to tell you, I thank God for the past few days because I've been quite happy for no apparent reason. It's so unusual of me. But to know that my joy comes from my Lord makes me have the courage to live each day!

Sidetrack:I can't stand the codswallop overflowing from my Teaching Ethics lecturer. What a donkey she is. Really. And now I probably have to see her again because she is substituting my actual Teaching Ethics lecturer who is away.

Codswallop=nonsence

Home sick. Missing my family. Feeling satisfied. Feeling happy. Had a great time during the Leaders' Retreat. The book 'The Exile' has exiled somewhere. It's lost and I'm so dead.Gosh!

Will write more when I feel like it.

Just wondering who you are? Yes, YOU!

I miss my Panda. My dog.

What's happening...

• From A to B then now to C. Room is on C floor, the lowest floor. Now, I don't waste time and energy climbing up the stairs, walking to the makan hall, walking to the grocery stall downstairs. Everything is super near.
• I miss the monkeys. The only 'monkeys' I see outside my window are the ones who can talk and drive. So not interesting.
• I want July to pass by quickly. So many things to do.
• I'm a bit disappointed with myself when it comes to handling people and taking up responsibilities. It's a problem I face at the moment.
• Calculus 2. Oh dear....
• I have nice roomates. I made a commitment during Camp Cameron to be close to my roomates and choir mates by taking time to know them better and not always isolating myself.
• I want to do well in my subjects.
• So fast I'm a 3rd year student. Everything is moving so fast.
• I want to make right decisions that are good. Again I'm reminding myself this.
• To always remind myself that God preserves my life, and He always watches my coming in and my going out.
• Can't wait for The Mum to come back home from Australia. One more month to go.

Upside Down

Sigh.Classes will start in less than 12 hours time. Haven't slept yet. Tomorrow I'm going to suffer. Not enough sleep. Went to uni today. Put my things into my new room. Came home. Just now I was so frustrated with Microsoft Office. Head so blur. Everything so blur. I lost something and it's not mine. Ahhh!! Silly hands went and put it somewhere. Checked every inch of the house. Couldn't find it. Sigh!!!! My mind is topsy turvy.

Things will be better tomorrow. I hope so.

Good Night..or rather Good Morning.

Be kind!

Put on a smile and they'll be kind to you!

It's so nice to meet kind people especially when you really need them to do something for you.

Today I went to UM to send in a letter for approval of our MSK posters and handbills. Kind person number 1-En Hashim. He's always been so helpful to me dor the past 6 months. Today he told me that he's a bit fed up with En. Ambi, the fellow who approves all our meetings and projects. Fed up because En. Ambi simply scolded him for no reason. All En Ambi needs to do is say yes or no to the projects, he needn't have to be so nasty and simply scold people.

Then, I went to Econs Fac to hand in the letter for the venue. Kind person number 2-The Clerk. Well, although I didn't expect to hear the dreadful news from her, but at least she told it to me in a kind manner. We are not allowed to use the hall for MSK because apparently they have converted it into a temporary lecture hall. What nonsense. Anyway, her kindness did help me ease my nerves...a bit...a wee bit..good thing she didn't give that nasty and strern look at me which I really dislike the most. I had to think of another alternative to where we can have MSK in 3 weeks time. Then I went to Akademi Pengajian Melayu and there I met my final and most 'kindest' person.

Kind person number 3-Kak Mas. I've never been to APM before and going there today did make me feel a little nervous. Thank goodness my friend was with me and she had a car. If not, I had to walk all the way up that hill to get there. At the office I saw a Malay guy and inquired about their hall, whether it was available or not. Then he called for Kak Mas to come. She's so nice and...kind... and was willing to check the dates for me. Ah, I felt a wave of relieve when she told me that the hall was available. She even offered to take us to the hall and have a look at it.

People-you can either hate them or like them. But today I really appreciate the kindness of people, what more a stranger to me.

So, put on a smile, and they will be kind to you!

(of course there are the nasty and hard headed people who don't give a care whether you smile or not. Well, all I can say is, bother them!)

Busy. Busy. Busy. I can't wait for the month of July to be over. But who knows, I might be busier after July. Oh well, tomorrow will worry for itself. Next month will worry for itself. Live by the day! The weekend was quite an uncomfortable one. With many things on my mind, many things to do and the super hot weather have caused me to be a little bit nasty to my sister when she came down for the weekend. Sigh. Things happen so fast that you don't have time to think straight and rationally.

I thank God for helping me go through yesterday and today. I thank Him for the smooth flow of the Orang Asli Sunday School. I'm so happy that the children were attentive to what I was teaching and one of them were even helpful in carrying my things. And as they smiled and waved goodbye to me, it makes me want to do more for them. I know somewhere in their heart of hearts, they are seaching for truth and peace that they can find nowhere in this world, except in God.

A 'Sighing' Girl. Yes, this is the new name I give myself for the week because I've been sighing all the time. Sighing to myself. Sighing to God. It's very bad, I know. But I will try not to sigh a lot and will trust in God. Ok. I will do it instead of trying.

But the seed on good soil stands for those with a noble and good heart, who hear the word, retain it, and by persevering produce a crop. Luke 8:15

I was sharing to my CG yesterday on the parable of the Sower and it reminded me about myself, how I treat God's word. Yeah, I often read and I hear but I've not been really retaining it in my life and what more persevering to produce a crop. Oh well, this is something that I need to improve on.

***

One more week of holidays. Hope I can enjoy it to the fullest before Uni starts. What am I going to do this week, besides CF stuff?...hmmmm..

Sigh.I don't know how. Sometimes it's hard to live a contented life.It's always about wanting more than what I have. The first quote from the previous post should remind me about something.Sigh. Yes, I've been sighing a lot lately.

They said...

If you cannot get what you like,
why not try to like what you get?

Every man should keep a fair-sized cemetery
in which to bury the faults of his friends.

There is nothing progressive about being pig headed
and refusing to admit a mistake.

The blast of temptation struck down the leaves,
but the root stood fast

I like surprises.Good ones.Not bad ones. :-|

Finally I'm finished!...well, not quite actually.Sigh.
...

Reading the book 'Daddy-Long'Legs' by Jean Webster was so refreshing like fresh air. It's something different from the usual books that I read. I'm the person that likes to read letters(but not write one..hehe) and this book is just perfect because the whole book is on the letters of Judy Abbot to Daddy-Long-Legs. And the feeling of finding out at the at end of the story that Daddy-Long-Legs is actually Master Jervie is so...nice...!

"It isn't the big troubles in life that require character. Anybody can rise to a crisis and face a crushing tragedy with courage, but to meet the petty hazards of the day with laugh--I really think that requires spirit."

"It's the kind of character that I'm going to develop. I am going to pretend that all life is just a game which I must play skillfully and fairly as I can. If I lose, I am going to shrug my shoulders and laugh-alsi if I win."

...

My hati still feels one kind.Sigh.

Aiyohhhhhhh!

Hati saya rasa lain macam :-/

amessypost....

I realised I don't blog the way I did many, many years ago. Last time I could I type a lot of words here because I knew not many(bordering to nil) people would read it but now I've become so conscious because so many people(well, not so many, but I know it's always more than nil..hehe)reads it including The-Brother-In-Law!...hehehe....

Today was my first time handling the Orang Asli Ministry, since Mum has already gone to Australia. Whoa, it was not easy I would say and now I have greater respect for my mum(hehe..) because she's the one who does most of the job by herself. She always tells me to have faith in God, always. And always rely in His strength and power because we can never do it by ourselves. And now I can see how she's able to do it every week without fail and she's already 62 years old.

It was a bit tough for me because I had to speak in Malay and my Malay is so rusty and broken. Oh dear, have to start polishing it....It was nice to see the smile on those little children and the naive look on some of their faces. I just hope and pray that these kids would commit their lives to the Lord and know that He is their Lord too.

The past week...

• Few things were troubling me because I decided to finish up doing some CF stuff, and I've not done so. My brain was blank and I couldn't think. There's so much to think about, so much to plan but at times I felt a bit lost. I don't have much time....
• I think I've gotten attached to Baby Enoch..hehe...he's so cute especially when he smiles and chuckles as if he understands what we're saying to him. And now he doesn't mind me carrying him! Oh, and it's so satisfying putting him to sleep...
• My goodness, yesterday I put Debbie's napkin terbalik..as in the back was front and the front was back.Oops! And she slept all the way through like that until her daddy noticed it. Oops! So much of me being her good aunty and babysitter..hehe
• Has been crazy-my thoughts about the future...sigh...

Now I'm off to Klang Jaya Gospel Hall Family Dinner with my dad. Who will I meet? Who will I talk to?

Paul:
And this I pray, that your love may abound still more and more in knowledge and in all discernment,
that you may approve the things that are excellent, that you may be sincere and wothout offense till the day of Christ.

O Lord, I pray that I make right decisions that are good.

To work! To work!

Got loads to do.

Got so much to think about.

Come on you!

Get up from this chair and start working!

Will be babysitting for another 3 more weeks but at the same time I've got to do a lot of CF stuff.

Oh dear.....I think I'm at lost at the moment.

O Lord, help me organize my thoughts and make them into action!

Many sighs....

So many things on my head at the moment. This thing. That thing. The other thing. And yes, that thing too. Not to forget a certain thing bugging me also. Oh, and I've to finish doing some things soon. So many things.

Tired. Tired. I like babysitting my nephew and neice. Maybe I'm not used to it. But I'm comforted by the little joys I get everyday.

I'm really not in the mood to arrange my timetable for the next semester. No mood at all.

Mum's going to Australia for 2 months. My goodness.

Tomorrow have to go help my mum in the Orang Asli Ministry. I've to take over while she's gone. I've to go every Saturday. It will be my first time.

I'm praying for my God to set my heart right and straight in certain things. I've strayed a little.

"Do you trust me?", my Lord asks me...

"You still got no boyfriend ah?", a certain church aunty always asks me this question...and today her voice was so clear in my head. Donkey lar.....

Yes, my mind is very berserabut now. I'm going to sleep.....

This picture makes me laugh especially when I see Joshua's hands on Yew Kong's head.

Camp Cameron 2007

To that someone who asked me why I never update my blog, nah, here is a brand new post for you! And I'll be seeing you tomorrow. Apa-lah you... :-)

So I'll be talking about Camp Cameron 2007. It's been more than one week since I came back for Camerons. Ah, I miss that place so much. Oh how I wish my house is up there in the highlands. I still suffer from a minor degree of post camp sickness. I'd be thinking of what we were doing at this time during camp and I'd end up feeling a little bit blue.

• I miss the lame jokes and laughters of my family members. My Grandpa Joshua always made us laugh a lot with his lame and sometimes not-so-lame jokes.hehe...
• I miss both my Grandmas, although I'll be seeing Grandma Kim Cheng quite often :-)
• I miss my Papa Chee Khoon who always begins his sentence by saying the phrase 'they say ah..'.We would wonder who are 'they'?
• I miss the fried rice cooked by my family members using the leftover food. Fried rice will never taste the same again.
• I miss expressions on Sundays where my chalet 8 gals and I would go and watch movie.
• I miss my room-mates:Eveline, Lee Na and Yue Min. I miss the 'romantic light' Eveline always switches on before all of us sleep.hehe...
• I miss teasing Aunty Nhãn and I miss her cheekiness that always made me laugh. I miss the conversations we had about our lives, our culture, and the struggles we face in both our countries.
• I miss all the sessions we had during camp. I especially miss the Wordilicious Investigators on Philemon and Jude. The study on these 2 books reminded me on so many things. Bible Study has become more interesting to me now.
• I miss the nature walk! This is my first time enjoying hiking after many previous hikings.No pressure at all!
• I miss killing the flies! Oh, I'm an expert in it I must say. Killing flies is so satisfying and it's quite therapeutic you know. You should try it also!hehe..
• I miss the quietness and serenity of Cameron Highlands.
• I miss sitting on the steps of my chalet, looking at the hill in front of me and reflecting on so many things

So many things that I miss....

Yes, there is a time for everything. A time to experience the present moment and a time to remember the past. I've gained a lot from Camp Cam. It was a time for me to look at certain issues in my life and to come face to face with the hidden truths that I've taken for-granted for a long time. It's good that I deal with these issues, the sooner the better. Life's not easy for me. It may seem to be otherwise, but the truth is I struggle a lot. And these struggles are with people around me and this eventually lead to the struggles I face with myself as a person.

I was quite scared on the last day of camp. Yes, coming face to face with the issues of my life is not as hard compared to coming face to face with reality. Coming back home means that I need to do the things that I've committed to do once I leave camp-improving relationships, especially with my parents. It's not easy yet I thank the Lord for giving me courage to take the first step(during camp). And I pray that the many steps I take after that will bring blessing and joy to my parents and siblings as well.

Although we have met only for 3 weeks and it will be a long time till we meet again, I find it amazing how people can inspire and encourage one another within that short span of time. A group of people coming from different directions, we meet at the crossroads of our lives, we teach and encourage one another, and now each one of us are continuing on our journey at different directions.

I thank God for the abundance of life that He gives so freely to each one of us!

Give me life in Thy ways, O Lord!

Hola!

Long time no updates. Yes, I came back many, many days ago.

Lazy. Lazy. Lazy.

Will write more when I'm not lazy.

Want to type something now but won't. Sleepy. Sleepy or lazy?

Have to get up early tomorrow.

Going to play piano for someone's wedding. Yikes. Wedding march and recession. Gasp!

Pray that my fingers will not panic, my dear little fingers.

I saw weird things today. This is one of them.

:-)

Oh dear, I've to quickly type this. Got to sleep soon!

I knew I had lots to say the past few days and I wanted to write about so many things but it was sheer laziness that prevented me from doing so. For example I wanted to say that I realy,really like Clay Aiken. I think he's the best male singer from American Idol, far better than Blake or Phil or even Chris from this year's AI.That Ruben Studdard shouldn't have won in the first place. And he's so funny! I really laughed a lot till my tears came out when I was watching him on Youtube.

And another thing I wanted to write was about hornbills. About three years ago,I took a few photos on some hornbills that visited my housing area. Hornbills! And you thought you'd only see them in Sarawak or at a zoo. Well, I've scanned some the pictures that I took from an analog camera. Cool eh? They do occasionally fly around this area. Don't ask me why.

Next thing that I wanted to write was on Mother's Day. There's so much to say about my mother. I've learnt a lot from her although I don't really say it to her about that (I know I should). One thing which she(and my dad also) inspires me is on godliness, of how her relationship with God is clearly seen in her life and in the words that she speak. I know I'm a person of few words(hehe..), but I really appreaciate what she has done for me. Although I don't say it but I do really mean it. And I do feel bad(and guilty too) whenever I've hurt her feelings. I try not too say or do something wrong but sometimes(most of the times) it just happens suddenly and out of control. Well, I still pray and ask God to help me be a better daughter. I really do :-)

I love you!

my mother+miniature ajw

I'm in such a hurry to sleep because I'll be away for Camp Cameron from tomorrow onwards till 2nd of June. 3 weeks. 3 WEEKS! So, to all you silent and invisible readers of this blog of mine, you can make yourself known (and those whom I really DON'T KNOW who you are..hehe) by writing to me. I like surprises you know :-) You can write to me at this address but I'll be at this place only for 3 weeks.

Neriton,

Lutheran Lakeview Chalets,

31 1/2 miles,

39200 RINGLET,Cameron Highlands.

Goodbye!

Darn it. Seems like a tough decision to make. Should I go or don't go? I just finished printing everything. Should I follow my dad to PJ in approx. 5 hours and go to uni to hand them in, the reports and MSK proposal? That new fellow who approves it is so very forgetful and he has a history of misplacing all my previous proposals and even forgetting about them. It's good to hand it in earlier although we are only required to hand the proposal 2 weeks before the project, and in this case MSK is on 25th of July. It seems better to hand it in June so it won't be easily misplaced and forgotten by that fellow. Should I? Should I go?!

*Continue thinking and praying. Sigh.

*After contemplating for about 15 minutes and looking at the calender a few times, I've decided to go on the first week of June. Sigh. What a tough decision to make.

Monkeys

Oh well, with all the 'hype' and the mixture of emotions that I've went through the past week to the point where my brother called me! Until last week I didn't actually realise that quite a few 'important', 'invisible' and 'silent' people do read my blog. It's not like I want the whole world to know. It's just that I got nowhere else to rant and what I put here is less than 1% of what I actually face and feel.

Just to cheer myself up.

This is Mike the Monkey! First things first. I chose the name NOT because it's my brother's name. The name just popped up in my head as soon as I saw this fellow.Plus, the name Philip the Monkey, or Raymond the Monkey just doesn't sound nice.

You see, staying at Uni can get so dull and boring at times. There were days where I'd stare out my window and just daydream and daydream. And then suddenly, I would find myself staring at a monkey's face just a few centrimetres away.

Sometimes they would bring an inquisitive friend/brother/sister/father/long-lost-brother along which makes it more interesting. Monkeys....I'd say that they're interesting creatures. But some would certainly beg to differ. For example, those who've had a monkey(or few monkeys) making havoc in their room. Oh yeah, I've heard of some terrible and horrifying stories but until I've experience that (I hope not), I would still think that monkeys are an adorable lot.

Hehe.

Now, I've got to attend a camp committee meeting but I won't be attending the camp itself and after that I'll be staying at my sister's place at Sunway for the night. Ah, finally something different.

Today is a terrible, terrible, horrible day. Cried because of a trivial thing but it's much, much more deeper than that. I can't bear to face the after effects. Argh!