I'm not going to let this stop me from being the joyful person I'm supposed to be. With so much happening, I wonder what is wrong with me, physically and emotionally.
Yesterday was one very painful day for me the moment I got up until night. The night before I was so tired that I slept on both hands the whole night and I still wonder how I did it. And I got up having very swollen hands and I could not even bend my fingers! Ah! Actually I was petrified. What was wrong with my hands? Oh dear. I couldn't play the piano. I couldn't hold the spoon properly for goodness sake. Even changing was so challenging.
And I cried. The usual me cries a lot but not because of pain(physical pain I mean..hehe). So this was an unusual cry. Terrible. Because it was so painful.
And on top of that, I still had my usual headache and slight fever which still did not recover since last week.
Great. Saw the doctor yesterday. She asked me to do a blood test today.
Today morning, first time in my entire life I had so much of blood sucked out from me.Doctor wants to test me for...dengue!!
Aah. Yeah. It's quite strange for me to have fever every evening. Yesterday night it was super high. But I thank God that I wasn't so sick on the days I had to sit for exam.
Oh well. The good thing is, hands are perfectly fine today. :-)
***
Am I seeking for miracles, rather than the Lord of miracles? Ah.This has hit me hard today. I know I've been asking to much. Hoping to much. But it has come to the point where I've left my Lord out of the picture almost completely.
'From that time many of His disciples went back and walked with Him no more'
Then Jesus said to the twelve, "Do you also want to go away?"
But Simon Peter answered Him, "Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life" John 6:67-68
This is my favourite picture. Both of us were wearing the same pyjamas :-)
Dinoj, go tell Amelia to read this. Hehe..
expected such predicament to happen. And sometimes I feel that I'm too feeble and courage-less to face them. Honestly speaking, I cannot wait for my term to end. But then again, it is my Lord and Heavenly Father that I'm serving, and shouldn't there be NO limits in serving him? But sometimes, the cross seems too heavy to bear. Sometimes I feel tired and discouraged because of...people...myself included. Yes, sometimes, I'm discouraged with myself because I always make mistakes. Stupid mistakes.
***
Some lingering thoughts...Thoughts from God? Somehow these thoughts have not gone away from me...probably it's not a coincidence because I forget easily...
' I will run to You. To your words of truth. Not by might, nor by power. But by the Spirit of God.'
'Be conscious of the presence and power of the Holy Spirit'
'Commit your works to the Lord, and your thoughts will be established' Proverbs 16:3
***
I fear this coming week. But it's still going to come...unless my Lord comes the second time, or he comes and take me away. I cannot run away from this week...no I cannot...But I'm afraid...
