Simple.

This orang asli boy's name is Bindu. He's one of the few orang asli kids whom I see every Saturday.

So many thoughts running through my mind that I don't know how to sort them out.

Something is still keeping me sane.

I need you Jesus, where else can I go?

B213

Ooh. After three years and I finally have internet access in my college room. (I know, I know it's all because of you Michael. I don't say your name, nanti I'll kena from you..hehe).

So, for my first post from my room, I've decided to put caterpillar pictures.

This is so ME right?

:-)

Aah. Hands were shaky and it was getting dark. Not too happy with the pics. But oh well. It's amazing to know how it actually looks like. I didn't know its legs look like that. Tiny little flaps stuck together.

Good news.

Doctor has reduced my steroid pills from 10 to 8. This is for 2 weeks. And then, I will be taking 6,5 and 4 pills every 2 weeks. How do I feel? Happy of course! And there's more. This doctor and an SLE society counselor were surprised that my face isn't so rounded. (yes, steroids is supposed to make my face puffed up). She even asked me whether I've been taking my pills everyday. Well OF COURSE!

Overall, everything is fine and is under controlled. Blood test result was very good and I am feeling very good. (but a wee bit tired sometimes if the day is packed with classes). Other than that, I'm alright!

Oh, and my skin is fantastic! hehe. I don't have any sun spots on my hands or my face but ONLY 5 very small faded spots on my legs. This is like less than 2 months since I was out of the hospital which is a good thing. I thought I would have rashes, but nopes, there isn't any.

Aah. But I'll be seeing my skin doctor this Tuesday. Sigh. I've to skip classes AGAIN.

Everyday I take: 8 steroids+1 anti-malarial pill+2 calciterol+1 calcium+4 supplement pills. Fuh, 16 pills. Before this it was 18 pills.

Me!

Updates! (with pictures of course)

Be prepared for a rather lengthy post.

Yes,classes started last Monday and I can tell you that it was a tremendous week for me and I experienced so many of God's blessings. Seriously. I'm not lying.

There are only few special moments between me and another person that make my heart melt. Sometimes I feel that I am so undeserving to receive such a response for so a person. What have I done to receive such kindness and appreciation?

Last Tuesday my heart was so touched and this feeling I had was something I never experienced before. And I asked God why did he seperate us? This was my first time having such a friend as her in college and I hoped I could so something more.

My ex-room-mate, Alli and I bumped into each other at the dining hall. I was so surprised to see her being so surprised to see me. I thought she would just smile and greet me with a few words but no. We shook hands and then we started talking. I really wanted to see her but did not have the time. And so she told me how lonely she was in her room, how her new room-mate was so boring.

But it's not the words that she spoke but the tears that filled her eyes, that touched my heart so much. .She was too happy to see me. Of course I was happy to see her , but I did not expect her to be like that.hmmm...I think it's because I wrote her a rather lengthy note before I left last semester....maybe it's because of that?...

This is something that I've been praying for the whole of last semester, that I be a good friend to her not only as a room-mate.

You know, I have this very interesting idea..one of the nights(if I'm free), I'm going to carry my bottle of mixed nuts with me, and then walk to Alli's room and spend some time talking to her(if she's free too)...and also my other ex-roomie, Lintau. Sometimes my room is too quiet.

***

Other interesting events,

• I dissected a mouse that reminded me of Reepicheep, Peepicheep and the rat in Ratatoille. It was so interesting to see the bloodied organs on a dead mouse that was 'terpelanting' on the rubber board. Oh my...
• God answered my prayers during the last week. I wanted to meet a Punjabi Christian girl during dinner, and whaddayaknow, she messaged me instead! Had a great time catching up with her and also talking about punjabis and their religion.
• I was really hoping to meet a Christian junior at 4th, and whaddayaknow, during lunch I saw a girl wearing the 'oh-so-famous' FES Legacy Live T-shirt. And of course I seized the oppurtunity and talked to her :-) very good!!
• My lecturer is so kind that she allowed me to register her subject that is clashing 30minutes with another subject. I tell you, the world would be a miserable place without such kind hearted lecturers.
• My two new room-mates are nice girls but rather quiet. One is from Banting!
• I had few meaningful conversations with different people especially the juniors. It was good.
• I have started to do journalling (a proper one) again which I think is good (for me at least).

***

You know, taking pictures de-stresses me, at least for a while. :-)

Everyone knows why I love the sun

It's a baby dragonfly!

Mangosteens from the William Mangosteen tree.

Why I like ants. Red ants only.

An ant carrying a dead relative.hehe (It would be so nice if this picture was much sharper)

And when I'm bored and the 2 girls are not in, I do this...

:)

Tomorrow will be my first check up! I am nervous.

Miniature Human Beings

Debbie Debsy and Knocky Knocks.

Gerbera.

I like African Daisies (Gerbera daisies). So, if I am sick, or have just come out of Dewan Tunku Canselor after I've received my scroll, you know what flowers to give me ok...hehe

They make me happy :)

Peace.

Life has been good. There were days that were filled with specks of surprises that make me want to thank God over and over again. Sometimes, I'd meet people whom I've longed to meet after not seeing them for a long time. And I would just enjoy the company and the laughs that we share together.

Yet, there are times when frustration seeps into the soul for no clear reason. Sometimes I'd want to cry my heart out but do not know why there's just so much of tears. Sometimes I'd want to pour out my feelings and say it out loud, but something holds me back, telling me to wait.

Sometimes, there will be fear, fear of the unknown. I have gone through a major storm but then there will be future squalls that will come unexpectedly. But God promises to bring me through the storms, to bring me to the other side of that lake, to safety, to heaven. (John 8:22) Come what may, whatever the end may be, the most important thing is how you go through it. Will you allow Him to look after your needs? Do you really believe that He can do the impossible?



Oh, taste and see that the Lord is good!
Blessed is the man who trusts in Him!
Oh, fear the Lord, you his saints!
There is no want to those who fear Him.

The young lions lack and suffer hunger,
But those who seek the Lord shall not lack any good thing.

Psalm 34 8:11

University starts in a week's time and there are so many things to do and to think about. As I step into my fourth and final year, what is it that I want to do or to experience before I begin a new phase? There will be new friends, new subjects, new problems, new pests unfortunately, new obstacles, new storms, new resposibilites. Oh so much and it's only the middle of the year!

A new beginning..

One month of high fever. It wasn't dengue. It wasn't flu.

Monday 26th May 2008. I immediately broke down into tears when the doctor told me the news. I felt my world crashing, my life shattered and broken into a thousand pieces. Why did God allow this to happen to me? I could not understand. I was frustrated, disappointed, hopeless, weak. No one could understand my feelings, how deep the pain that was inside me, pain that I've never felt before. I questioned God over and over again.

I have been diagnosed with Systemic Lupus Erythematosus, a more common name, Lupus.

Why?

Why?

Timothy, my doctor brother was worried because of the prolonged fever and rashes on my face. I was so weak, I couldn't really walk properly. Appetite wasn't that good. He then asked me to go to Sungai Buluh Hospital to be checked. A few days later he said I must be admitted. He has his specialist friends to look after me. So I stayed there for a few days and had to undergo test after test, so much of blood sucked out from me.

I wasn't worried compared to my family members. I thought everything will go off in a few days. No. It did not. Fever still came faithfully every day. By this time they have already told me that it might be a connective tissue disease. I wasn't scared. I thought it wasn't so serious.

I went back home and stayed for a few days. But I was so sick, my face was so red and blotchy. I was so miserable. When my brother asked me to go back to hospital again I cried and cried because at home my mother takes care of me so well. So back to Sungai Buluh hospital.

On Monday, I was scheduled to go to Selayang Hospital to see the Rheumatologist specialist. My brother knows her and he told her how worried he was. So it was there when everything was told. I never saw this coming.

Don't tell me it's ok and everything will be alright. I'm still learning to accept my condition.

I went to my 'new' room and cried. To make matters worst the doctors immediately did ECG on me, I was so uncomfortable. So frustrated. So tired. The whole night my fever was so high to the point I couldn't walk or get up. My temperature went up to 40.5 degrees and I nearly fainted in the bathroom.

Now I can't be exposed to the sun light. For the rest of my life. I need to wear sunblock everyday, and change my lifestyle completely. I've started on medications and now my fever has gone off completely and my rashes are slowly going away. But I still need to stay in the hospital a few more days because my liver enzymes are still high.

Although the doctor told me I have SLE, but there is still one important test that has come out negative, twice. The antinuclear antibody test is the main test for lupus. Another test has been sent to a private lab so I have to wait for the results and see whether it will be positive or not.

***

During one of the nights, I was thinking about my future prospects. My work as a teacher. Getting a boyfriend? I was fearful everything would be affected. Will I be able to accept whatever circumstances that come my way?

***

My faith has been tested. With so much going on and everything being so overwhelming, where is God in the picture? I've to admit the last few weeks has caused me to distant myself from God a bit. One night I prayed with tears. He spoke to me. I cried. He will take care of my future because I'm His beloved child. People may leave me but He remains forever.

God has been so good to me. He has really planned out the events and what is to happen. I first had fever during the last week of April and my first paper was on the 26th. But I was still able to study and sit for my exam without any problems. I could also sit for my subsequent papers despite of my tiredness. God has been so good to me. He allowed this to happen in the month of May where I have my holidays after exam. God has been good to me. The SLE did not affect any of my organs but only my blood and my skin.

God has been good to me. Now I will spend the whole month of June recuperating and resting at home. And I can begin my 4th and final year in uni. Can you imagine if this whole thing did not happen during the holidays? My studies will certainly be affected. God has planned out the timing so perfectly.

This whole experience has been so overwhelming to me. It has brought me closer with my whole family. It has brought my whole family together. My parents and siblings came together to help me go through this. So many people have been praying for me (even in India!). I am so grateful for all the prayers and support from different individuals and groups of people.

My dear Daddy. I love you. You unceasingly and constantly encourage and support me throughout this ordeal. Everyday you drove to the hospital to see me. You do not hesitate to do anything for me or give me anything although you have so many things to do. I really appreciate everything you have done and are doing for me.

My dear Mummy. There are so many things you have done for me. You took care of me when I was so helpless. You stayed with me everyday and when I had high fever you got up just to sponge me. Oh the unimaginable things you did. Helping me get up and walk to the bathroom. Helping me change. Helping me to eat and drink when I was so weak. Most importantly you were there encouraging me to move on and to trust in God. Oh I love you so much Mie. I'm so grateful and thankful for having a mother like you.

Timmy. If it's not because of you I think all my organs would be gone and I won't survive this disease. Because of your pesterings of admitting into hospital everything was under control immediately. I feel so blessed having a doctor brother like you. What a privilege it is to be seen by so many specialists and be given first class treatment. Thanks for caring for your little sister. I really appreciate it a lot!

Mikey Mikes and Wuey Ping. I really appreciate you calling me everyday and checking on me and constantly supporting me. I really appreciate your presence with me in the hospital. Thanks for everything especially for the things you give me or lend me. You make my life in hospital more interesting..hehe..

Amelia and Dinoj. You both really make me laugh a lot. Thanks for all the support and encouragement you give me and the jokes that really make me laugh a lot..hehe...Amelia it's been fun having you stay a few nights with me. You really lighten up my day and you always tell me that everything will be alright, something that I needed the most when I was down and disappointed. You're the bestest sister I have! I love you.

I thank God for giving me such lovely family. I cannot imagine my life without them!

I am so grateful for having such kind and concerned friends who messaged and called me. Jia Hui and Suit Lin, my two dear friends and coursemates, thank you for everything you've done for me, for buying me flowers, lending me things but most of all encouraging and supporting me throughout this experience. Jia Hui, I really thank God for our friendship. You've been so kind and supportive to me. I really, really appreciate it a lot. thank you!!

I feel so blessed. The people that visited me in hospital really cheered me up and made my day more interesting. Rachel Babes, thanks for your lovely sunflowers! You presence was a real joy to me and you helped brighthen my gloomy day..hehe..thanks a lot!! Sweet and Penjang Adele, I was so happy to see you after a long time. I really missed your gilaness. To the rest of the PKVians and friends who came, Chris Koh, Jane, Siew Yung, Zachary, Ben, KeeAun, Ivan, Mei Si, Tuxoon and Chai Yee, I was indeed so happy to see you all after a long time. Your presence was a real blessing to me...

Last but not least, my dear Kim Cheng and PKVians Divya, Avni, Shih Han, Ervinna, Kat, Lee San, Sylvia, Timothy, Shannon, Bryant and Francis, who were in Camp Cameron. I am so touched after hearing how you all constantly came together to pray for me. This has been such a great encouragement to me and I'm indeed so grateful for what you all did. I thank God that he has allowed me to know all of you in uni. Thanks a lot!

***

God has started something new in me. I choose to follow Him. He has promised that He will be my guide in this new journey. Nothing is impossible. He is all I need. The road ahead is going to be tough but I need not be afraid because He is always there beside me. All glory be to Him!

***

I still need to stay in the hospital a few more days until my liver enzymes come down to a normal a level. My white blood count is normal already. I don't have fever now. But I still feel weak. Doing simple work like brushing my teeth makes me breathless and tired. I'm slowly recovering....

It's a new beginning...

:-)

Today I decided I'm not going to succumb to such terrible predicament that has befallen me. I decided to go out and take pictures of ants. No they did not bite me and I was only out of the house for 10 minutes.

I'm alright.For the time being. I'm just waiting to see whether I will get fever later. Isn't it amazing how this fever comes only in the evenings? Strange.