Very often I ask God why He had put me into situations where I can't seem to cope with. Why was I born at the wrong time? Why does everything feel so strange to me? These are the type of questions I often question God . I absolutely know well that my whole life is in God's hands and he planned it long, long time ago and God doesn't make mistakes but why is there this feeling of sadness and loneliness in me? I don't know but I guess time will change everything and maybe when I'm older, I'd be able to understand everything better.

WORSHIP
I still remember Colin shared to us about 'worship' during RBS, that the most important aspect in worship is to worship God in spirit and in truth. Of course, I guess everyone knows this for sure because it is in the Bible but do everyone really apply this in their lives? It is hard to come before God with a troubled heart and especially if we have problems with other people and we find it hard to forgive them. We can't ask God for forgiveness if we cannot forgive others. I personally feel that it is so hard to come forward to God if I myself have not been living a righteous live.

Worship is not directed to ourselves but to God. Sometimes I feel that we are too carried away by the style of worship that we tend to put our focus on the music, how well the musicians performing, how well are we singing, rather than focusing on God himself. It seems like we are entertaining ourselves rather than entertaining God!

There is no such word 'singspiration' and the term is used by many churches. Well, this was something new to me when I heard that 'Singspiration' is actually a name of a Christian song book so maybe it's appropriate for us to use 'Praise and Worship' rather than 'singspiration'. I still remember the look on Colin's face when he told us the word 'singspiration' doesn't exist. Well he seemed sick and tired of people..(Malaysians).. often using the term 'singpsiration' which is not even found in the dictionary!...heheh!....

The year is going to end.....

This year has been a blast for me because so many different things happened all in one year. Started off this year by attending RBS(Residential Bible School) which was really interesting. I can't seem to take my mind away from it. I met many new friends and staying at Cameron Highlands for a month was awesome! I just love the weather up there and the food was very,very nice! Of course I'd to get used to the humid weather here after staying there for a month! But above all, I drew closer to God and I rededicate my life to Him. I learnt a lot about the Word and also some Christian theology. Our mission trip which was part of RBS, also taught me a great deal of things but I wished I had done more things during the mission trip to Skudai. But, it was a blessing from God, to be in a church which I didn't know it existed!

And then came my SPM results! I was indeed satisfied with myself but I do hope to try much harder next year which I know I will. Going to form 6 was rather a big deal for me because it is something different from secondary school. Although the thought of going to school still remains and have not changed, but the style of studying has indeed changed for me. I feel more independent and of course I need to depend on myself, a little bit on the teachers, for me to achieve. Well, I'm proud to be in form 6, because it's the final stage of school, and also, I can show off to the lower forms that I'm much older than them!...heheh!...I'm older this year, that's right....Anyway, I found school quite interesting this year because I was interested in the subjects especially Biology and Chemistry. I do hope that next year would be even better as it's examination year but I don't want to limit my interests just because of exams.

oh well.....time just passes by very fast...before we can enjoy today to the fullest, tomorrow has come.........

I hear the sound of the thunder, I feel the strong wind blowing, I see black clouds moving above me, I hear the rustling of the coconut tree leaves.....the rain has arrived.

Today has been just like any other day but it's not over yet. It's still evening and I have a prayer meeting to attend after this.

Joshua 3:9 - So Joshua told the Israelites,"Come and listen to what the LORD your God says.

Joshua was getting the attention of the Israelites, who were traveling at that moment, to listen to what God has to say to them. Picture the Israelites being excited or maybe nervous because they were about to cross the Jordan river. I was reading the whole of Joshua Chapter 3 and this verse reminded me that in times of busyness and sometimes chaos, we need to be still and focus on God. The commentary in my Bible(Life Application Study Bible) says that we must not get caught up with our busy schedule until we don't have time to hear what God is trying to say to us. As for me, it's strange and funny to know that even though I'm not that busy(during the holidays) I also tend to lose my focus on God! Even that I can lose sight of God, what if I'm so caught up with work? Well, I guess this verse applies to everyone, be it a lazy bum like me(heheh!) or a worker. After the Israelites have settled down for a moment after being called by Joshua, then God gave His sweet assurance in verse 10 that 'today you will know that the Living God is among you.....' and for evermore.

I was doing my daily devotion and this poem which I read is really inspiring....

Taken from 'Streams In The Desert' by LB Cowman, a book of daily devotional readings

Once I heard a song of sweetness,
As it filled the morning air,
Sounding in its blest completeness,
Like a tender, pleading prayer,
And I sought to find the singer,
Where the wondrous song was borne,
And I found a bird, quite wounded,
Pinned down by a cruel thorn.

I have seen a soul in sadness,
While its wings with pain were furled,
Giving hope, and cheer and gladness
That should bless a weeping world
And I knew that life of sweetness,
Was of pain and sorrow borne,
And a stricken soul was singing,
With its heart against a thorn.

You are told of One who loved you,
Of a Savior crucified,
You are told of nails that held Him,
And a spear that pierced His side;
You are told of cruel scourging,
Of a Savior bearing scorn,
And He died for your salvation,
With His brow against a thorn.

You "are not above the Master."
Will you breathe a sweet refrain?
And His grace will be sufficient,
When your heart is pierced with pain.
Will you live to bless His loved ones,
Though your life be bruised and torn,
Like the bird that sang so sweetly,
With its heart against a thorn?

Time really flies! I've been having some trouble with this blog and faced some minor problems plus I really didn't have the mood to type anything here. School holidays are going to end in a few weeks time and this will be my final year end school holidays because next year will be my last year of school! Am I really excited about that? Not really. Next year I'll be sitting for my major exam which will somehow determine my career and my future. I still don't know what I want to do! Ah well....I'm still praying about it and asking God's guidance.

Sometimes I'm really not sure of whether I should continue blogging or not. I don't know what is the future of this blog because my mood really fluctuates, sometimes I really don't feel like doing something, sometimes I really get all excited when I want to do something else.I guess I'm not the only person who's like that,right? Or maybe it's me alone...sheesh...

The month of December has been quite interesting for me. I learnt more about the Bible and I drew closer to God...but life has not been easy going,though...with a lot of emotional experiences with my personal life and also with church...Well, this past few days I learnt about the power of prayer. The evangelistic meeting which our church had was truly a miracle and blessing from God. The gospel meeting was held at our church outreach in Chodoi,a small Chinese village. I realise from this meeting, and also from my mum, that prayer is indeed very powerful. Everything went smoothly, the dances, the message and praise God, about 12 people accepted Christ! I truly believe that God wants us to realise His presence and rely on His power.

One day Jesus told his disciples......their need for constant prayer and to show them that they must never give up. Luke 18:1(New Living Translation)