It's so late...why am I not sleeping?..feel like blogging..

I don't really like Sundays because I know I have to go back to uni the next day but I really look forward to Fridays because I can come home. Today I taught Sunday School and I thank God that the two boys understood what I taught. Somtimes it's hard to teach them because I don't know what they are thinking and it's so hard for them to respond. Well, it's a good thing that they know what I taught them. This week will be another hectic week for me. I will be having two tests this thursday. I think during this time of hardship, God wants me to learn many things. But I still don't know what I'm learning. Maybe its patience and perseverance. I know I'm not a very patient person and I really need to be patient more often. I guess when I'm really weak and troubled, it's time for me to surrender my life to God. So often I do things according to my own strength and that's why I always feel tired.

I think despite of all the problems, I can still be joyful. Joy does not depend on circumstances. We can be joyful even though we face trials. This is something I hope to learn in this time of hardship. Hope that I can be joyful all the time.

I'm feeling tired.So tired. So many things are on my mind and it has been a great burden for me to carry. I just wish I can escape everything but I can't. This is the reality of life. It can't be easy all the time. This semester, I have classes from morning till afternoon and most of the days I only go back to my room in the evening. I got so much to study and so many assignments. I really feel like giving up but I can't, I must move on. I'm phisycally tired and mentally tired. I wonder if I can cope. I just entrust everything to God.

I hope to share with someone so that I can release the pressure in me..

I...

I wish......I wish......I wish.....
And nothing happens
Feeling down.....
And then it happens.....
I feel happy.....
And then suddenly....
I'm down again.....
These are my feelings...
About something.....
About someone....

I'm force to think. This is what my education subjects require me to do. It's not that my Science subjects don't make me think but this time it's thinking in a different way. What is my philosophy as a teacher? First of all I don't really like the word philosophy. It sounds so self-centred and what others think don't matter to me. But then come to think of it, this word has
made me realise my role as a teacher (or a teacher-to-be). What is my moral stand? What do I want to instil into my students? What type of knowledge do I want to emphasize?

I want my students to appreciate what they learn and be able to apply whenever necessary. I like it when teachers make me have interest in the certain subject. My physics teacher made me hate the subject so much and because of that I didn't really understand what I was studying. I think everyone has a unique personality even those who are in the last class. Even students with disciplinary problems have feelings and emotions. Will I ignore these group of people and stereotype them as failures who will not succeed in life? But most importantly will I have the patience when I face such people?

I just can't imagine what teacher I would be. Will I be inspiring? Will I be destructive? There are just so many questions. I can only answer them as time goes by.

Today was a fun day. Sometime our relatives can make us laugh and laugh. We had our reunion lunch in Klang and we have it every year. My uncle told us that he had to take his dog to the vet. He had to fill up a card which needed all the dog's particulars. On the space where he needed to write the dog's name, he wrote the name Dino s/o Donno...Mike and I couldn't stop laughing..heheh..Indeed it's so impossible to know the father of a dog, especially if its not a pedigree.

And our little Miss Debbie entertained us with her new stunt. While she was lying down, she was holding her milk bottle with her two feet (not her hands!) and drinking from it...Who knows, one day she might be a gymnast! And she always says 'WOW!' when she likes something..

I thank God for happy times, when we can all laugh together. I thank God for sad times, when we can encourage and comfort one another. I thank God for stressful times, when we can lean on one another. I thank God for trials, so we can can be stronger. I thank God...that I can depend on Him for everything.

An old year has gone, a new year has arrived

BUT
I don't feel so excited...
I didn't wish to feel like that but..
I still can't let go of my feelings..the feelings still want to stay in me but..
I've got to let go and move on because..
I can't continue to live my life always feeling disappointed..
God has a better plan for me..
So I try to remind myself ..
It's hard..
To just think I've got to let go..
Will there be any hope left?
Just one more chance?
It's hard to let go of these emotions..