So true.

Let That Be Enough-Switchfoot

I wish I had what I needed

To be on my own

'Cause I feel so defeated

And I'm feeling alone
Most of the times I treat God as One whom I can always demand from. I want to fill the emptiness inside with temporary happiness and pleasure. I end up feeling lonely, empty and defeated. What is the purpose of living? I'm going to give up living. I'm going to give up on life. It is utterly meaningless. Where is hope?

And it all seems so helpless

And I have no plans

I'm a plane in the sunset

With nowhere to land
Life is so frail and uncertain. What am I living for? There is no time to live aimlessly. Everything seems so scary. How to move on? How look forward to the unknown?

And all I see

It could never make me happy

And all my sand castles

Spend their time collapsing
Yes, I have been building sand castles all these years just to see them collapsing. None of them have come true. Oh, how I spend my time thinking of what should be and what could be. I am always hoping for that someone to fill me, to complement me. All my sand castles have collapsed. What will come true and what will remain as a fantasy or a dream?

Let me know that You hear me

Let me know Your touch

Let me know that You love me

And let that be enough
He is the 'I AM' who is with me even in the storms of my life. He is the 'I AM' who will not change in this ever changing world filled with such fickled minded people like me. He is the 'I AM' who fills my loneliness and emptiness with His presence and love. He is the 'I AM' who hears from the depths of my heart and knows the sorrow that is so overwhelming. Nothing in this world can satisfy me. Nothing. No matter how hard I search for, I will not find anything that is of worth. He is enough for me.

Tired. Worned out. And my tune (the one that I forgot a few days ago) is now STUCK on my mind. Oh my...

Don't bother, again.

Donkey Calculus II is making me go nuts. I still don't know why I chose Maths as my minor. Too late to turn back.

Lately I've been spending a lot of time in front of the...no not the computer..but my piano. I guess it's to release my so called accumulated stress. Really? Think positively! I don't want my stress level to reach the critical stage. Hmmmph! Sometimes I would churn out my own tunes on the piano. And just now I was a bit frustrated because I forgot the tune I played this morning. Such unnecessary frustration I tell you.

Sigh.

Having that mood.

Don't bother.

Feels one kind thinking about that.

Have not felt like this for a long, long time.

Even though it's gone, something still remains.

Although that presence has long gone since, something still remains.

Ooh, I've not been so cryptic for a long, long time.

Feels good being cryptic, yet I want to shout it out loud. Nope, cannot.

Ah, Somewhere Out There-The Mouse version makes me want to cry. Reminds me of so many things. My childhood, my past, few years ago.

Do woodpeckers have headache?

A divergent from my cryptic post.

Nope, they don't suffer from headaches although they cant stop knocking trees. God made them like that.

Phew, what a day. What has happened the last few days? Madness.

Alright, time to stop my emo-ness and think about my future.

Yeah rite.

iPOTs + Random

Well, I came back from iPOTs a few days back and now I'm forced to face my Etika, Calculus II, and Bio notes. Help! Four days of meeting and talking to so many people have now made my home seem unusually quiet.

***

iPOTs was a time of much reflection, rest and also reminder to what I was called to do. More than 3 years have passed since I made that decision to become a teacher and there were times when I forget and became so complacent to that calling. I'm still left with less than 2 years or maybe more than that before I start teaching. Will I still be the same person that will have the same passion to teach?

To me, He is a God of Assurance. He assures me that He will take care of everything. He will take care of my parents and he will take care of my future, my family. Am I willing to follow Him to where He takes me to even if it means going to a place far away from home, from Selangor?

***

Rev. Hwa Yung challenged us to look at Malaysia. To look at at the grim situation of our country. There are missing voices everywhere and many are choosing to run away from it instead of facing it. He urges us to be brutally honest with ourselves and with God. Few questions were raised: Are we willing to be sacrificial? Are we willing to dirty our hands? Are we willing to live in the midst of inequality out there? What are we Christians doing about it? And it's sad to know that many are choosing to leave this country because they cannot deal with inequality and because they feel that this country has nothing to offer them. Where are our voices? Do we know what is happening to our country?

"After 50 years, our church has yet to answer its relevance to our society"

***

If only all of us realise what God wants us to do. Wake up! There is not much time! How long will you dwell in your own weaknesses and hurts that you will not allow God to heal you because you think that you can be in control of your life? Wake up! There is not much time left. You know your life is like a vapour. It will be taken away from you one day and it will be too late by then.

***

Wait. You and I need to wait. To wait upon the Lord because His timing is perfect. Wait so that you and I will be able to grow into the persons God want us to be. Wait even though it may be a long time and the future may seem uncertain. It will be worth the wait. I know. Just wait.

Hello!

So it has been a long time since I actually blogged about something. August, September and the first week of October were crazy and difficult months. But by God's grace and strength I was able to pull through! I guess there are so many lessons in life that are learnt well only when you decide to go through it gracefully. Yeah, it was rough. I don't think I handled a few and new situations well but I know that God is always by my side. Really, I think I would have gone bonkers, gone nuts, if it were not of His kind assurance. This semester has really open doors for me to discover myself- the good and bad side of me. Was not easy but yeah, I survived!

Thanks for all of your encouragement! And to those faithful ones who always leave comments on my blog I really appreciate it so much!!

Sigh. Wanted to upload some pictures but Blogger's having some problems

I'm off to POTS tomorrow! I guess somewhere in the world, there is a PANS or SPOONS or FORKS conference going on. (ahh....lame, time to go to sleep ajw) I'm a TOT going to meet people who are HOT and a whole LOT of other people! People have been speculating that I will find a TOT or a HOT or a LOT at POTS. Well, ya know what...it's unlikely to happen.hehehe...

POTS=Professionals of Tomorrow

TOTS=Teachers of Tomorrow

LOTS & HOTS=Lawyers & Health Care

Who knows in the future there will be SOTS or EOTS or GOTS. (Scientists, Economists/Ecologists, Geologists)..lame again...Time to go to bed.

:-)

I'm a happy girl today.