When you say a situation or a person is hopeless, you are slamming the door in the face of God-Charles L. Allen

***

Then I said to you,

"Do not be terrified or afraid of the. The LORD your God who goes before you,

He will fight for you, according to all He did for you in Egypt before your eyes.And in the wilderness where you saw how the LORD your God carried you, as a man carried His son, in all the way you went until you came to this place."

"Yet,

for all that, you did not believe the Lord, your God, who went in the way before you to search out a place for you to pitch your tents, to show you the way you should go in the fire by night and in the cloud by day"

***

After 23 years of living, when will I come to full realisation that God has been faithfully providing for me ever since I was born and by His grace I can be sitting down here, breathing, being well and alive? Let's not talk about the things that I want..success, fulfilled dreams, nice things, a boyfriend, money, enjoyment...but rather the things that I need and already have..being able to think and communicate, being able to breathe and go through the whole day experiencing things that will not be the same the next day..

And so often I go through the day being bogged down by my own desires and hopes...and at the end of the day I feel so hopeless....and this whole cycle repeats the next day, and the day after...

When will I learn to accept things as it is...

As I look back, I thank God that He did not answer some of my prayers..If He did, I know I would not be the person I am today. Now I can see that what I thought was best for me at that time is actually what God thought was not best for me...at that time...and for my future...

I wish I could:
-climb a mountain, any mountain in Malaysia
-go to a cold place like Cameron Highlands, or Tambunan or Kundasang,Sabah
-go hiking
-go snorkelling
-hide

):

Pardon my English

I feel that God has been good to me today. You see, I did my assignment until 3.30am this morning (I've broken my record of staying up until this late) and was so cranky this morning because I had a class at 9.30am and I still have not finished the donky assignment. But, as I said, God is good, my class was until 10.ooam and now I have enough time to finish this donkey assignment before I go to my next class which is at 12.oo.Well, the cranky-ness is not because of staying up so late but because I had to edit and change all the lab reports of my group members. Imagine working with future science teachers who can't speak English for nuts and they can't even do their lab reports properly. How are they going to teach in schools later? Oh, and some of my group members were primary school science teachers and now they are doing a degree in UM and they can't even speak a proper sentence in English.

Okay, today was better than yesterday.

I'm actually looking forward to today's event at college. Hope I can get the attention of the Jawatankuasa Tindakan Kolej(JTK) and be offered a place to stay next year. Hah!..hehe...

Much to say now. Little to say after this. I hope not.

No more playing the fool. The second half of the semester is going to be tough and draining too. Plus the frequent emotional roller coaster rides, I'm praying that I would be able to go through gracefully. But I'm afraid....

***

Yesterday over dinner, we were talking about a particular church member whom almost the whole church dislikes. And something my mother said that is glued on my mind,

"If God were like us, all of us would not be in heaven"

Sometimes, it's so hard to forgive a person just because he/she keeps irritating others or makes a nuisance of himself/herself. And this person keeps going on and on and on. But when this person actually does something good which none of us would actually do, no one remembers him/her for that. Shame on us. We choose to help people we like. People who are clean, sane or well-to-do. What about helping the mentally ill, old or neglected people? Do we choose the people we want to love? Sometimes convenience is bad. We hate inconvenience because it might take away our time and even our own so-called reputation. What am I doing about it?

***

I hope things will turn out well. I'm still waiting...Nothing has changed.

***

I hope to make a difference in my room-mates lives. Please pray for me. It' something very new to me. No more being a silent room-mate who is only glued to her own work. Time to change before it's too late. Wake up!!

***

Chinese New Year was great and joyful. As usual 3 Chinese and the rest Indians and Chindians. Chinese includes The Mother, The Sister-In-Law and The Cousin-In-Law. Ah, time passes by so fast. Soon it will be next year again.

***

Here are some of my favourite pictures from the Ipoh trip. To see more of the Ipoh pictures, go to my facebook lah :-)

Rachel! I took the most pictures of you! Hehe.

I like this one.

Ben and Rachel

A view from Kellie's Castle

There's something about this picture that makes me like it.

omg!

Of course, there must be insects.

And a meow meow

And I'm OK! (for the time being)

Lingering thoughts...

I will not enter my house, or go to bed-

I will not allow no sleep to my eyes, no slumber to my eyelids,

till I find a place for the Lord, a dwelling for the Mighty One of Jacob

Psalm 132:3-5

*Before I lay out my own plans. Before I lay out my own dreams. Before I fill my heart with the things I love and desire. Before everything else, I will first find a place for my Lord. He is above everything else.

In your anger do not sin: Do not let the sun go down while you're still angry,

and do not give the devil a foothold.

Ephesians 4:26-27

*Do not give place to the devil. Not only in anger but also in succumbing to temptations. Don't give in to temptations just because your life isn't what you wanted and because your past seems to be haunting you. Don't give in because you are pretending to be someone you're not.

Much dreaming and many words are meaningless.

Therefore stand in awe of God. (But fear God. NKJV)

Ecclesiastes 5:7

Now all has been heard; here is the conclusion of the matter:

Fear God and keep his commandments, for this is the whole duty of man.

Ecclesiastes 12:13

*By looking at what we are doing...or rather what I am doing, it's as if God doesn't exist. Where is God in the picture? Are we sidelining Him? And it seems to be getting worst.

I will wait.

This week, my room-mates and I have been unusually close. One of them even told me what she is facing right now, her dilemma with a guy. I even told her my own dilemma. We laughed and teased each other a lot. I gave both of them an orange (some CNY dedication thingy) with a message (quite a lengthy one). Something that I have never done before. When I was not around, Alli filled my pail with water for the night and this happened twice. I was not around when the college announced there will be no water.

Was thinking. During Fisherman's Friend the previous week, Hannah prayed for my room-mates. I think God is starting something and I should take notice of it. I should put more effort in it.

***

Am filled with a sudden wave of sadness. I don't know what's wrong with me.

***

To me, you will only remain the ideal person and not the real person. Even though you are right there in front of me. These kind of things never come true in my life.