Still wondering.....

The situation was so awkward.
I sensed someone was standing behind me.
I turned.
I became tongue-tight. I didn't know what to say.
Yet there is so much to say.
I turned back and continued with my work.
Wonder when everything will be normal again.
I'm trying my best but I hope you will do the same thing also.

*Sorry for the cryptic post....

Aimless...

Had the most terrible sleep last night.
Still recovering from my terrible flu..
Feeling that life is so hard but still still have to keep going...
Wondering why there is no reply...
Wondering what is going to happen next...
Wondering why it's so hard right now...
Feeling drained and frustrated now but God assures me everything will be alright..keep walking...

What-did-I-do-on-2-5-September-2006?

Came back from PKV's THE Camp, 2B2C, Building Bridges, Crossing Cultures three days ago. It was my first camp that I was really looking forward to go to because I knew most of the people who were going and this people included my close friends. Camp was great! It was a time for me to think through certain issues-myself, PKV, friendships, my relationship with God...the serenity and stillness of Camerons was something that I really missed a lot.

Building Bridges, Crossing Cultures...

This reminds me that I need to put away whatever self-centeredness that may have been hindering me from reaching out to my friends. Sometimes I give myself so many excuses-ex: I don't know how, I don't have the time, it might affect my friendship with them...etc. It's easy for me to mix with other races...it has never been a problem...but since coming to UM, I find it hard to maintain a close friendship with people outside PKV. Most of it is just on-the-surface kind of friendship, nothing more. God has given me the chance to stay in college for another year, to join the choir, to be room mates with 2 bumiputeras...will I use this opportunity to reach out to my friends? Will I be a brother keeper to my friends in need and not only to people that I feel I have much in common with?

Friendships....

I'm so blessed to know many people in PKV especially the pretty sisters :-) I really treasure this friendship that we have and truly, each one of you have touched my life in your own special way. May each one of us continue to spur and encourage one another in the Lord despite of the many ups and downs that we face each day.

Pictures courtesy of Mun Yee

All the pretty sisters[suit lin and adele are not in the pic! :-( ....] excluding Tuxoon and Johnson....and Sam? :-)

ooh...I'm so cold. help! help!...hehe

Kim Cheng..a woman of great courage. Thanks for everything!

Mun Yee...do you know that my first impression of you in my 1st year was that you are a very garang person..haha..well although I thought you had the garang-ness kind of look but now you are such a warm person to be with. I thank God that I have known a person like you..

Wong Jia Hui...Despite of the many ups and downs, God still never fails to make your life so colourful and meaningful...look to Him always, your help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth...thanks for all the help and encouragement, and also for lending your ears to listen to my laments and complains..hehe

My head is blank...can't stop 'achooing' and coughing....grrr....I'm too blur to write anymore...got lots to write about..what Ive learnt, What I did....For more on THE camp, do visit here and here. I'll probably continue another day when the grey clouds have moved away and when the sun is up...

I was reading women quotations on the net and I came across some funny and weird ones.Couldn't stop laughing. No offense to the those with the XY chromosome :-p

George Carlin-Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.
Katharine Hepburn-Sometimes I wonder if men and women really suit each other. Perhaps they should live next door and just visit now and then.
Margaret Thatcher-If you want anything said, ask a man. If you want something done, ask a woman.
Robert A. Heinlien-Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea.
Virginia Woolf-Why are women ... so much more interesting to men than men are to women?

hehe...

:-)

I have the PEACE of GOD that passes all UNDERSTANDING !

I was going against the current

A message with one word means a lot to me.

About 26 hours ago, I was overwhelmed with what was happening until I couldn't take it. I exploded. Thank God He was there to help me pick up the pieces. I coudn't understand so many things. My limited mind found it hard to understand God's infinite-ness.

Recently, I found myself facing so many obstacles in my life. Not because it came suddenly but because I was 'building' them slowly each day until it became a major problem. I was thinking. I'm like a fish, swimming agaist the current, struggling to push myself against the water.Remember in 'Finding Nemo' where all the turtles were moving along the underwater current to get to a different place?. Rather then going against the current, all the turtles relaxed and allowed the current to take them anywhere. I struggle until I become so tired and burned out. God wants me to thrust my whole life unto Him and to let His will unfold in my life. God's will in like the current. Most of the time I choose to go against it because I want to get to a different destination rather than the place where God wants me to go or to do the things He wants me to do.

I pray that God will show me His wisdom in making the right desicions. I pray that I can find courage in confronting my problems(and The Problem).

And we know that all things work together for the GOOD of those who LOVE God, to those who are THE CALLED according to His purpose.

Romans 8:28

Don't bother

Just to kill time before I go and kutip sampah around campus, I thought of typing somthing meaningless.So don't bother reading this. I felt really down yesterday. I hate Sunday nights. More than half of Monday have already passed by. Just the thought of not being able to settle The Problem(to you know who, you know what it is) makes me so frustrated.

Blah.

Oh well...

Now I have to go and be a garbage collector for a day(PKV is organising a gotong-royong after this. Hope many will turn up though)

Batu-Bata

Stress(macamlah I betul-betul stress) has caused me to post this.....bear with me...I'm going nuts :-)

Finally, FINALLY those stupid rocks make sense to me! Once, I saw rocks as...well...of course rocks.What else can you describe a rock other than calling it a...rock if it's big, or a stone if it's small? Now with my newly acquired knowledge(saying it in a proud tone) on rocks, well to be more specific,on minerals, I've finally understood their existence....Finally!Do you know how hard it took me to appreciate rocks? For your information(only for those who care) rocks are composed of different minerals and each mineral is different from each other in so many ways. Each one has a different chemical composition, specific gravity colour, luster, fracture, crystal habit.....whatever....as if you bother. Now I can also say that God is also creative when it comes to making rocks. Really! Betul! A mineral that doesn't look like an ordinary stone to me is chalcedony(agate) because they come in different colours.When I first saw it I was like 'wah, this thing actually exists on this earth'

BERYL

ROSE QUARTZ
TOPAZ
CHALCEDONY
AMETHYST

"And you shall put settings of stones in it, four rows of stones: The first row shall be a sardius, a topaz, and an emerald: this shall be the first row. The second row shall be a turqoise, a sapphire and a diamond. The third row, a jacinth, an agate, and an amethyst and the fourth row, a beryl, an onyx and a jasper. They shall be set in gold settings.." Exodus 28:17-20(In making the breastplate)

The foundations of the wall of the city were adorned with all kinds of precious stones: the first foundation was jasper, the second sapphire, the third chalcedony, the fourth emerald, the fifth sardonyx, the sixth sardius, the seventh chrysolite, the eight beryl, the ninth topaz, the tenth chrysoprase, the eleventh jacinth and the twelfth amethyst. Revelations 21:19-20(The New Jerusalem)

It's 5:39 pm on this computer

Be prepared for a not so orgonized post.

Aiyoh. So many things on my mind. First of all, I am so frustrated with UM's registration system especially Science and Education faculties. There isn't any communication between the lecturers and the registration system. Some lecturers want their class to be small but then the registration system allows so many students to register for that subject. So when some of us 2nd year students enter our first class of that subject(actually meant for 2nd year students), the lecturer sees that the class is too big and therefore she easily says 'only 3rd and 4th year students can join this class. All first and second year students please leave'. It's so was so easy for her to say that without realising that once we drop that subject or any subject for that matter it's going to be so hard to replace the credit hours. So I lost 2 credit hours. Just like that.

And then, I don't know why of all subjects(abt 100 of the luar fakulti subjects) they had to close down 'Iklim dan manusia', the subject that I registered for. There goes another 2 credit hours. Stupid. I had to find a replacement for the 4 credit hrs I lost.

Ever since I was in secondary school, I hated public speaking. It's ok for me to speak in small groups or during a class presentation but to speak infront of people with a certain topic and only 5 mins to prepare is something that I really really dislike. Since I had so little c/h, most of the subjects are full and most of the 'interesting' luar fakulti subjects have been filled up, or it clashes with my other subjects....I was left with no other choice.......but to register for 'SPOKEN ENGLISH FOR PROFESSIONALS'........aiyohhhh.........

And then when I went to that lecture, of all people I had to be the first one to go in front and introduce myself. We had to make it interesting blah, blah, blah...and we had to share our personal experiences. And there are only 10 people in that class. My goodness. But......good points for this class are:

1. Lecturer is so warm and friendly

2. She only gives positive comments to everyone(although some of the students bore all of us with their boring stories...I think I do also..hehe)

3. She also writes down comments on a piece of paper for everyone.

4. Everyone knows everyone in the class. 10 people only compared to our bio lectures with over 200 students in one class.

5.Hopefully I can speak better after this....hehehe

Well, still short of two credit hrs, but I think it's ok...At least I got more time for my three maths stubjects.

What's on my mind now ...

After posting this, I'm going for our Malam Suai Kenal comm meeting which Im in charge of. So many things to think about. Still short of RM300 and the event is next wednesday.Praying very hard about it.

I would really like if people would reply my smses especially when I have asked them about something very important example, if they can come for a meeting, or a practice,etc......bleh......I know, I'm such an impatient person, but not getting an answer makes me so frustrated....

:-p :-) :-/ :-(

Got so much to write yet so little time.

1. Got a room on the highest floor.Aiyoh. Then found out that my room mates are two Christian bumis, one from Sarawak, one from Sabah. Yay!.
2. During geology class(pengenalan kdp mineral, batuan dan fossil), we were told to go look at the minerals and describe their characteristics.(according to structure, colour, fractures, etc). My answers: Mineral epidot-looks like a rock(duh, they all look like ordinary rocks to me), hornblende-has some funny lines on it, biotite-looks shiny, muscovite-looks like a plastic paper(oh, this one certainly doesn't look like a rock to me :p)...all stupid answers..what else to write?..hehe
3. I'm taking three maths subjects. How crazy is that. Calculus, Probability and Maths Asas.
4. Feels so great being a senior. Got a different feeling compared to the time when I was a junior.
5. Still thinking about me and Unsettled Problem which I think we are going to remain like that for the rest of my life. Bleh.
6. How is this semester going to be?busy?hectic?stressful? I commit all to God. I know that He has brought me this far to the place where I am now. There's no turning back. I will press on and I will go in the strength of the Lord...
7. Me got to go balik now to kolej kediaman keempat.

Ladida~

Aiyoh

A few more days and I will be a second year student. So much has happened in my first year. A lot of surprises, new friends, successes(hmmm....), disappointments, frustration and tears. So fast the holidays past by. Just like that. I thought I could settle some issues between me and The Problem, but it's left unsettled.
A new start in this new semester.

I was cracking my head on what the theme for PKV's Malam Suai Kenal should be. After the EXCO comm and Kim Cheng came up with the idea of BANG, then it got me thinking on how the theme is going to be connected to that word. We are going to begin this semester with a BANG! B-new Beginning, A-new Aspirations, N-new Needs, G-new Goals. I don't know what they are going to say about this theme at tomorrow's committee meeting. :-P MSK is my first project that I'm taking charge of. There were times when I was quite stressed because I didn't know what to do. Actually it was a last minute desicion because the person that was assigned by the comm couldn't take up this post. Oh well...I'm half excited and half nervous. So far I think everything is going on well. It's so hard to plan especially during the holidays because we don't meet people and it's hard to know whether they agree or not.

Nutty Friday
Last Friday, three nuts visited a got-life town named Banting. Although life was so evident at this place, one of the nuts said that this town got no life. Now, I wonder why this nut said that. Was it because of what he saw or did not see? Was it because he saw a Ten-Ten supermarket and not a Jusco?Was it because he saw two rows of old shop-houses and not two rows of tall buildings?

I wonder why...hmmmm

So these three nuts, a nut from Banting, and Not-A-Nut spent the whole Friday afternoon together. They went to a hill named Jugra hoping to catch the sunset. But before the sun even setted, some of the nuts decided that they begin their journey down the hill and head home for dinner because it was too hot for them to bear(especially that nut who wore jeans!)

After dinner it was time to say goodbye. The 4 nuts said their goodbyes to Not-A-Nut after dropping her at her house. The nuts were heading for Putrajaya to take photos of the bridges(macamlah tak pernah tengok jambatan). Being together for a few hours, the 4 nuts and Not-A-Nut enjoyed themselves(correct?) at this got-life town named Banting. Will they come back again? We shall see....

hehehe.....

A Week Of Weird-ness

My maid wrapped the unripe mangoes on our tress with newspaper. Well, this is the first time I'm seeing the mango tree in front of my house with newspaper-wrapped mangoes because we usually don't wrap them. As soon as it is ripe we eat them. So, it's not unusual for people to wrap their unripe fruits. You can see it almost everywhere. You can see it at your neighbours house or at an orchad. People do that to so that unwanted creatures such as the birds or the squirrels will not eat them. It's normal. But the reason why my maid wraps them? No no, it's not because of the birds and the squirrels.She does it so that the unwanted creature, the gardener's wife does not steal them. Seriously.

A friend gave my dad two grape plants. He got so excited. Most probably he pictures a vineyard (Malaysian style) behind our house. Just kidding, just kidding. It's weird(in a good way) to see him so engrossed with two small grape plants. He even bought wood to make some sort of frame so that this creeper like plant can...well..creep on it. I don't know a better way to describe it. Oh, and he asks me to sing to it everyday to ensure optimum growth. Not seriously.

Since it's been raining everyday, my mum has covered the soil with plastic bag so that it doesn't get too much water to avoid it from being drown...hehehe

Panda, my dog is not a dog. She's afraid of chickens, cats, rats and goats and she doesn't bothers to chase one. This reminds me of an incident where a goat(you see, my Taman is such a happening place. Sometimes, you'd be able to see goats lepaking around, because some of the Indians at the nearby ladang kelapa sawit rear goats [oh and this reminds me of another particular incident that happened long, long time ago. A time when my Taman was a happening place for the cows. Seriously. So. My brother and his girl friends were walking from/to..not sure..the kindergarten. And there was this cow roaming around and he got scared. Read carefully. HE got scared.Not SHE/THEY got scared. He thought the cow was chasing him..hehehe..oh Im so going to die for saying this]) Coming back, coming back...This reminds me of an incident where a goat came into the house compound. There, my dog was standing in front of the goat trying to prove her macho-ness but I know she's terrified to the max. Suddenly, the goat nudges my dog with its two horns. Ouch! I certainly didnt see that coming what more did my dog. Poor thing.

No no..that is not related to my week of weird-ness. Yesterday, Panda shared its dinner with a mouse. Seriously. Yuks. I've not seen a mouse/rat running around for many,many years. There I was standing, looking at my dog finish up her dinner outside of my house. It was at night. Then suddenly I saw this thing moving in the shadows. I looked closer. It was a small mouce and it was eating the grains of rice on the floor. What on earth was it doing there? It was not even scared of Panda or me standing there and this dog was not even aware of it....I find it weird.

What a weird week I tell you...

OOoops!....abang already knows UPS & downs. :-)
Who else knows ah?

Last weekend was a busy one for me. Busy at YF. Busy at church. Busy at Sunday School. It's all worth it. Not for my own glory but for God's glory.It's so great to serve an awesome and holy God. I've really enjoyed myself the past three days at my church Sunday School's Vacational Fun Class. 231 children! Brats will be brats,but they are still so adorable and cute. When I look at those children, I imagine what they will be like when they grow up and how they'll look like.(oh, one of my hobbies is looking at people and figuring out what they might be thinking..hehehe) I imagine one fat boy to be a big sized man when he grows up, probably he'll be a businessman one day because I can already see dolar signs in his eyes. :p And then there's this cute and pretty girl, I think she's going to be a popular girl at secondary school with a lot of boys tagging behind her :-) I find them interesting to look at. Miniature human beings. Always feeling confused, always want attention, always want their way. Are we not like them also?

I admire my mum's faith (she's the ssch superintendent). People(and I'm one of them) did not believe that we could handle 231 children in our VFC. There are just too many kids to handle. What about space and man power? Who's going to control those kids?. Something which she said that struck me, 'when God sends these little children, we do not turn them away'.In the end, there were enough teachers and helpers. The church hall was just enough to fit everyone during worship and the main theme talks. Some who were not involved also came to show their support. My mum totally surrenders everything to God, and prayer has been an important part all this while. Everything went on so well during these 3 days that there weren't any problems at all. The weather was good it wasn't raining. Thank God! The teachers were able to control their own students. Those kids enjoyed themselves and their singing during worship really moved us. Now as they are back home with their family, playing, running, watching TV, or being a brat/clown in front of everyone, I pray that each one of them remember what they have learnt and keep in them the message and hope that they have heard and received.

What shall I put as title?

Back to the lowlands. The highlands was so cool and refreshing. I really needed that to release whatever stress I was facing (imagine being stressed during the holidays, it's terrible). Well unfortunately I didn't feel too good when I came back. I think yesterday was my lowest point(emotionally I guess) during the holidays because I just couldn't stop thinking about the situation that I'm in, the problem(not problems) that I'm facing right now and that someone. I'm so very geram. Thank God today I've cooled down a lot.

Note: Sorry to those who are reading my blog. Lately my posts have been rather on the down side. I really didn't expect things to be like this...

Church Family Camp was OK and not as bad as I have expected. Cheffoo Methodist Centre is a nice place to have a camp. It's so spacious with so many trees surrounding it. Oh, and I really miss 'sayang-ing' the big, fat brown dog that belongs to the caretaker....sob,sob... Anyway, I think I wouldn't have survive for three days if two most important people were not there-meng yee & paik shing.(YES, you meng yee :p, don't mind ya I mentioned your name..hehe). This is my first camp that I stayed up late because I was actually talking to someone. Seriously. Had a good time of sharing. I think I've learnt some things from you. :-) I was afraid this camp will not turn out well for me, but I was a bit wrong. Speaker was good. Thank God for people like paik shing to be my interpreter. Yes, this speaker spoke in Mandarin without translation! Actually I was prepared to read a book while he's speaking. After all there were only 2 theme talks so I didn't mind if I couldn't understand(remember, I was not thinking straight when I made the decision to join this camp) But thank God that He could still speak to me through this man despite of the language barrier. I learnt a lot from him. Well, what do I regret? I think I regret not spending time to talk to certain people, to that someone (Shy, shy) I wish I could mix more freely but again, I think it's the language barrier. I think it takes time but I wish language would not continue to be the major problem. (Yup, I know-learn Chinese! :-p)

Cameron Highlands always brings back a lot of good memories especially RBS 3 years ago. I miss the good things we experienced, the loads of fun we had and the frendships that were made. I miss going to T-Cafe(yummy food!). I miss looking at the stars at night or early mornings when we went jogging. I miss looking at the moving clouds that seem so close to us. I miss the sessions we had with different speakers and the morning devotions. I miss everything!

Oh well......

I'm off to CAMERON HIGHLANDS tomorrow.
Am I excited?
NO
Have I packed?
NO
Am I ready to go?
NO
Why did I decide to go?
Because I was not thinking straight when I made that decision

I'm so glad that my YF singing competition went on so well. It went on so well that while I was playing, the stupid files on the piano suddenly fell onto the piano keys and that created such a loud noise. My goodness gracious me. And it wasnt even my files. It was another pianist's files. I'm feeling bad because I was playing for another group and not mine~sigh~ But the good thing is I still managed to continue playing despite of the MAJOR disruption. I'm sure everybody turned their heads towards me at that moment. So memalukan. But anyway, I thank God that everything went on well when I played for the two soloists and the duet from my group. The duet got 1st place and one of the soloists got 3rd. Well, everyone had a great time tonight.

I'm not feeling too good.*the thunder was so loud, and the wind is so strong outside* Having mixed feelings about everything. The next three days is going to be so dreadful. I don't know. I just pray that this camp would be a refreshing one where I could have a quiet time being alone with God. Maybe I could use this time to ponder about certain things. Oh well.....

WELCOME BACK JIA HUI & CHRIS(if you're reading this)!
...and I'm going to camerons tomorrow. Camp is at Chefoo Methodist Centre at Brinchang~sigh~ I should really stop sighing and start packing!

sad sad post

~sigh~
Feeling melancholic. Feeling blue. Feeling lonely. I just came back from practice and during practice I was feeling so sad and angry. Not because of the practice itself. Maybe there are reasons why I felt like that but it came suddenly.
~sigh~
Feeling scared. Feeling nervous. I fear of being alone in a large group of people. Fear of being left out. Not always but sometimes.Church camp is on Sunday. That's why I'm feeling like that now.
~sigh~
Feel like crying!

Have been pretty busy these past few days. My YF is going to have a singing competition this Saturday and everyone is busy practising their songs. I on the other hand am busy practising my piano everyday. I think I'm busy lah. I don't really feel that playing the piano makes me busy. Anyway I'm feeling a bit nervous about it because I'll be playing for two soloists and 1 duet from my group and also for another group's performance.*phew* I'm going to be so busy that night but I thank God that I have this chance to perform. I just pray that I don't make any mistakes that will affect their singing and will eventually affect their points. My group will be singing a chinese song. Chinese song you know! Some more kena hafal the song! How many of you bananas out there can memorize a Chinese song eh?..hehe :D

Yay! Yay! They are all coming back from Camp Camerons this Saturday! I'm the only one feeling so happy and I'm sure they will be so reluctant to come back. Good.Why am I so happy? The one and only reason is, after getting my friends' messages that they're really enjoying it so much, I felt that I should have gone in the first place. But right now, I don't really regret not going because I get to spend more time mixing around with my church members and participating in this singing competition. Plus, I have a Sunday School class to take care of. I can't leave them for three weeks!

What have I been doing during the holidays? Oh I have been following the Singapore Chinese Serial 'Tong Xin Yuan' on channel 19 at 7pm faithfully every day. Pity Dad. TV is booked from 7pm to 8pm everyday. He cannot watch anything during that one hour! But too sad, the final episode is on Friday and I can't follow any more mandarin serials after that because my holidays will be for another 5 more weeks. I don't have enough time to finish watching all the episodes. Bleh. I've been following American Idol also. Of course none of the singers can beat Clay Aiken, the runner up from season 2 and also Kelly Clarkson. Clay's my favourite so far. This season, I was hoping for Elliot Yamin to win, but it's so sad he was eliminated last week.Oh well, I hope Taylor Hicks will win because he's more consistent than Katherine McPhee. We shall see....

A lot of things are going through my head right now. Some people may say 'let go', but it's hard to do so because I still don't understand the things that happen and what is going through that person's mind. It's especially hard when I don't have the answers. Do I need to understand in order to let go?

Before I end...

I like this statement by James Hudson Taylor, 'Do not have your concert first and tune your instruments afterward. Begin the day with God'. To everyone of you, begin your day with God and allow Him to lead you throughout the whole day!

Letters

Today I'm so happy I received a postcard from my friend who's in Camp Camerons. Didn't expect him to send me one. :p Yesterday Miss Close-and-Gila friend sent me a letter and today from his postcard, I found out both of them are in the same chalet. She's the mama, he's the son. How ironic. I wonder how the mama is treating her son...hehe..Looks like they're having a blast up there while I'm down here moaning and groaning to myself. Oh well, I think the good thing is I'm having the rest that I need but then too much rest can make a person so lazy and unproductive. Now I'm trying to study the book of 1st Samuel and hopefully I can finish studying 1st and 2nd Samuel in these 11/2 months of holiday.

Cycling

I don't think my friends know that I like to cycle. It's weird though but yeah, that's me-I like cycling. I find it so peaceful and I'm able to reflect on certain things. Once in a while I'll be able to spot a few familiar car number plates when I'm cyling along the road of my Taman beside the main road (I don't know how to describe this) and most of the time, in the evenings the sky would look so beautiful with different hues of orange and purple adorning it.

Myfriend

I just cannot get over this. I really cherish the friendship we had (still have) but I still don't know what's the problem that caused both of us not to talk. That's what I feel is happening now. Like I said, I'm so shy when it comes to approaching different people. Yup,it's a real disadvantage to me. But that's me. I'm trying my best to talk. Of course some people would say that I talk a lot but only to them that I talk a lot.Sigh.Myfriend has been a very good friend to me and to others also. Quite encouraging at times(most of the time) and is a good Christian. Sometimes I'm confused. I wonder why do I bother so much of not being able to talk to Myfriend. Why do I trouble myself with this? I think I know the answer. I really feel like telling this person what I feel. I might be feeling tired of keeping it all to myself although Miss Close-And-Gila friend who's in Camerons knows about this. I might be feeling tired of speculating things and figuring out the possiblities of why this is happening. Why? Why? I really would like to know if it's my fault then probably I could fix it. Then again I wont get the answer because I'm a coward. I'm too afraid to aprroach Myfriend.

Blog

I don't care if people read my blog or not. It's just a place where I could just pour out my feelings although I would not want to spill the beans and let anyone know what exactly is happening in my life :p And I've not reached that stage where I will infuse serious issues in my posts. Not yet. Maybe once in a blue moon or when I'm ready to do so. I don't know.....

Pain

There are times when the least expected circumstances occur in my life. Well, now I'm in that kind of situation. I thought my holidays would be a joyful one where I'd be enjoying each passing day doing something productive. I thought that there will not be any problems in my life especially during the holidays. No. I've been caught up in a series of slight depression and feeling a little bit sad sometimes. It is not clearly shown on my face but it hurts so bad inside me especially when I have nothing to keep me busy and the time that I have is used in figuring out why certain things happen. It's frustrating not knowing the answers to all the questions that keeps popping in my mind. This whole problem is revolving around one person. I don't know why Myfriend has suddenly changed. Or have I changed? I'm so confused at times of why this is happening to me. I'm so confused because I don't have the answers to why Myfriend is like that. Maybe I'm exaggerating. I really don't know. I keep on thinking back to the few times when I could have a full conversation with Myfriend face to face but now it has become almost impossible to do so. Sometimes I wish I have the courage to approach people( esp Myfriend). I have the tendency of being an introvert in front certain people and an extrovert in front of another group of people (I'm an ambivert, hah, at least I've not forgotten what I've learnt in psychology)....ahhh!....I feel like running to a beach and shouting at the wide ocean in front of me.

I'm struggling. I've been having long conversations with God. But I thank Him that I'm still sane and have not gone bonkers. I am reminded about something. My relationship with God is above all other relationshps. I will not allow the problems that I'm facing in my relationship with people to weaken my relationship with God.

You

I didn't expect for it to happen like this

I thought everything was fine until one day everything just changed

You suddenly became cold

You were not the person I knew

Till today I do not know why you are reacting like this

Did I say something wrong?

Did I let you down?

There are many questions waiting to be answered

Only you can answer them

But it will never happen. I know

There isn't a moment when I will not think about you

The more I think the more hurtful it gets

How long will it go on?

How long will I hold on to this useless hope?

When will I let it go?

When will I let you go?

:-(

:-)

:-