Two Thousand And Eight.

BLESSED NEW YEAR EVERYONE!

I on the other hand, am really not looking forward to a new year after being so disappointed with my own unversity. I foresee next year to be a tough year for me. Really. I shudder at the thought of it.

But.

It's going to be different. Unless I think of it as a challenge and not a problem and allow myself to go through it boldly. But 20 credit hours?! And a major resposibility. And the university suddenly decides to scrape off sem khas.

I need to be calm.

I really need to trust in Him and know that He holds the future.

Editted at 6.30pm-I was sulking and sighing so my dad before leaving for the watchnight service at his church told me that God has good plans for me. Maybe I shouldn't be so anxious for the new year but to look forward with hope and anticipation.

Like father like son. No?

Mike wanted me to take a picture of Enoch with a similar pose of him when he was a baby. We wanted Enoch to look something like this:

Instead of posing like this, Enoch decided to have things HIS way:

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

Knocky Knocks and Debs

Ooh, my gums are itchy!

I like the sun shining on his face

Knocky Knocks

Enoch

Drooling

Dreaming

Red cheek. Red car. Almost a clown :-)

Pretty Deborah Anne William

A happy girl she is

Knochy Knocks

More to come.

Blessed Christmas everyone!

Tagged by Jiahui who was tagged by Kokhow

Each player of this game writes about his/her Christmas wishes. People who get tagged need to visit your blog to find out more, and then write about the same topic in their blogs. Player must state the rules clearly, and pass this on by tagging the same number of people. To tag someone, leave a comment in his/her blog and tell them that they have been tagged. Number of blogger to tag: Up to you. Happy tagging.

Now, my personal wish list for Christmas.
1. To be able to put on a smile and be joyful on Christmas day.
2. A surprise from that person whose name is on my mind right now.
3. Earrings :-)
4. Michael W. Smith's and Clay Aiken's Christmas albums.
5. More money....hahahaha...
6. A very good storybook, probably The Exile by Allan Folham which I read halfway before it decided to be exiled to an unknown place. I lost this book. Mike's book by the way.
7. A very,very nice dress....hehehehe...

Yeah, yeah...my wish list is so girlish. :-)

I tag...nil people.

You, my friend.

But by the grace of God I am what I am,

and by His grace towards me was not in vain;

but I (Paul) laboured more abundantly than they all,

yet not I, but the grace of God which was with me.

1 Timothy 15:10

For God is not the author of confusion but of peace...

1 Timothy 14:33

So often (I dare say everytime) the Devil deceivingly tells us 'Look at all the problems around you-hurt, pain, broken family, sufferings, unfairness, cruelty, ugliness...how can you believe in a God of love when these things are happening in the world and especially in our own lives?' Most of the time, the Devil insists on arguing these with yourself with much intense power that you have no clear answer to these questions. It then leaves you frustrated. Broken. Despair. Hopeless. Sick

Selwyn Hughes wrote in 'Everyday with Jesus':

"There is only one clear answer to such assaults. Put on the 'breastplate of righteouness'. You cannot understand particular happenings, you cannot give any explanation, but you do know that God clothed you with His righteouness and saved you from a lost eternity must have your highest interests and those of His universe at heart. When you hold on to that, your heart is protected from despair, even though your mind struggles to comprehend what is happening."

"You can live in peace even though you do not know all the answers."

...NOTHING will ever be able to seperate us from the love

of God demonstrated by our Lord Jesus Christ

Romans 8:39

Stop. Stop doing what ever you're doing that is causing you so much hurt and it's getting you nowhere. Stop struggling and realise that you, by YOUR own wisdom, intellect and understanding, cannot bring you out of this miry pit of despair. Only God can.

You need to hasten. Time is running up!

Rain drops

Just now when the rain stopped, I decided to go outside and find rain drops on a spider's web and I found it! After bending so low for so long and having so many red ants on my head (yes, yes, because of my ostrich like body, my head touched the ants' nest and was bitten by them), I managed to get these shots. Ooh, I'm so happy now! It makes me want to thank God for the beautiful things he creates..hehe..

Argh, so many things to do!

There are not many words from me lately. Maybe because I don't know how to express them here and also maybe because there's so many things to do and I feel that I should not blog unless I have done those things.Hmmmph!

Oh well..I think my camera has mood swings. Or maybe it's just me. Sometimes it's so easy to get a clear shot, sometimes it's a bit difficult. I don't know. And I just found out why my images don't enlarge when I click them and it's all Blogger's fault. Solving this problem is so complicated.

oh dear, it's so heartbreaking...

This is worth it.

They give me joy.These are some of the Pulau Banting Orang Asli kids from our Sunday(or Saturday) School that a few of us conduct every Saturday. Such simple lives they live yet they are contented with what they have. I'm so glad that some of them have actually grown spiritually(and physicially too), since this Sunday School began at this place. However, there is still a long way more to go and I pray that the seed that has been planted in them will grow and be rooted firmly in God's word.

Bingo!

Today, ajw got up at noon and is feeling very guilty and she did not go back to college and she skipped choir and is feeling even more guilty.Oops...

Will blog on THE camp after I have come back from uni on Friday. Hopefully..

Job

Ande he prayed this..
"The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away. Blessed be the name of the Lord"

And Job did not sin or do wrong against God

"I know that You can do everything and that no purpose of Yours can be withheld from You"

What a timely reminder in hard and weird times like these.

When God gently reminds me to keep on waiting. Be patient.

Ah, this picture makes me smile! Polar bears do fascinate me a lot. Look at its *bum,bum* sticking out! How cute is that! :-) Got this from drudgereport.com

The Lord's Prayer

Someone once said...

I cannot say 'our' if I live only for myself.

I cannot say 'Father' if I do not act like His child.

I cannot say 'who art in heaven' if I'm laying up no treasure there.

I cannot say 'hallowed be Thy name' if I am not striving for holiness.

I cannot say 'Thy kingdom come' if I am not doing all in my power to hasten that event.

I cannot say 'give us this day out daily bread' if I am dishonest, or seeking something for nothing.

I cannot say 'forgive us our trespasses' if I bear a grudge against another.

I cannot say 'lead us not into temptation' if I delibrately place myself in its path.

I cannot say 'deliver is from evil' if I do not put on the armour of God.

I cannot say 'thine is the kingdom the power and glory' if I do not give the King the loyalty due to Him from a faithful subject.

And I cannot say 'forever' if the horizon of my life is bounded completely by time.

Having that wierd feeling inside me now.

Can't wait for it to come to pass.

It has left me feeling flabbergasted. Wondering aimlessly. Wandering aimlessly.

You are rejected!

Someone once told me that he's afraid of rejection. At that time of being told that, I felt that I could handle rejection. I mean, bring it on! How bad could it be right? And then today I was thinking. I realised and remembered that I too, to a certain extend am afraid of it. It caused me a whole year of frustration. How could I forget that year? Well, it's a good thing that I got over it and have moved on. Recurrence still happens but it is not so bad as before. But I am still afraid of being rejected. It's hard to even grapple with it.

The 20's phase is a hard phase to be in. With so many people being on the same boat as I'm in doesn't really help a lot. As I get older, the fear of rejection is greater although nothing has started yet. If you get what I mean, you would know what I'm really trying to say here. Oh well, I will still wait...if it means waiting a gazillion years. If it's worth the wait.

I will wait upon my Lord....

I have absolutely no mood to study for my last paper on Tuesday-Prinsip dan Teknologi Pengajaran.

Fantastic.

Fabulous.

Absolutely fabulous.

Sweet.

Just came back from my Indian friends' houses for Deepavali. It's so good to meet them after a long, long time and to just catch up with what has been happening. More of the gossiping type...hehe...

'Oh, how is she? What?! She got married to a New Zealander and she's staying there now?'

'Yeah, that we already know long ago. She got pregnant.....'

'hmm...he married a girl who stayed near his house'

...and the usual hook up and break up stories.

'So, what's your secret ah, ajw? What?! Still got no boyfriend ar? Nevermind, I send in my application and see how....'

Much has changed between us but there are some parts of us that remain the same. And I'm glad that these group of people whom I met still remain the same old friends and people I knew back then in secondary school. I will never forget them...

The past.

What an emotional roller coster it has been for the past two weeks.

I'm going to get a new camera! I did not expect them to agree on this. The second brother and my parents told me that I can use that money to buy a good camera. I thought it was for my fees, and they said the first brother will pay for it. Oh, and the elder sister doesn't know anything about this. It's so nice being the fourth child. Aah, family business. :-)

Well, recently...or precisely last week before exams, I took out my RBS '03 journal to read for fun. I keep it close to me because I occasionally read it to remember those days. Yeah, I'll never forget the one month up there at HCC. And as I read, I laughed at the things I wrote. Silly ones. Weird ones. Serious ones. Sad ones. Frustating ones. But it was good. My heart felt one kind..you know..that different kind of feeling you have when you'd read a journal that was written few years ago. It was nice.

29 December 2003

...'I thank you Lord for giving me parents who care for me. Especially Daddy who really encouraged me to join RBS. Thank you for opening this door for me to draw closer to you...'

...'I thank you Lord for reminding me that faith in you really works....'

2 January 2004

...'Be still and know that You are God. Sometimes I think and worry too much about life that I fail to be silent and think of You...'

10 January 2004

...'Firstly, our thanks goes to the 'penjaga' who was standing near Maybank. He told Puay En that a Mat Salleh (I presume it must be Colin) put a note behind the advertisement board..hehe'

12 January 2004

...'When we came down from the bus when we reached 6th mile Orang Asli village, we were all on the look out for chickens. Poor Puay En, she has this phobia for chickens...'

15 January 2004

...'I think not of of relatives who have passed away but I think of my friends who are very close to me now. I think about this particular friend who still has yet to know about the truth. His faith is really blinding him. I try to tell but the right words just doesn't come out...'

16 January 2004

...'We are called to to love those who are different, difficult and challenging. We don't get to pick and choose...'

...'Yeah Lord, love is so easy to talk about but it's hard to accomplish. Always we tend to love each other 'because' or 'when' rather than 'in spite of'. God loves us in spite of ourselves, our past, our mistakes and our failures....'

Those were some of the many things that were written. And then I look at the last page of my journal and saw something that was written by a budak who was my mission team mate (*cough, Chris Koh, cough*)

"Neway, i rEaLLY hope I didn't kacau u until i make u angRy...soRilloR"

Well, these are the things I will always remember. I still see some of them occasionally, especially the super tall UM law student, itu budak who is studying at USM and a sweet girl whom I sometimes meet at PJGH and recently we met at POTS. :-)

So true.

Let That Be Enough-Switchfoot

I wish I had what I needed

To be on my own

'Cause I feel so defeated

And I'm feeling alone
Most of the times I treat God as One whom I can always demand from. I want to fill the emptiness inside with temporary happiness and pleasure. I end up feeling lonely, empty and defeated. What is the purpose of living? I'm going to give up living. I'm going to give up on life. It is utterly meaningless. Where is hope?

And it all seems so helpless

And I have no plans

I'm a plane in the sunset

With nowhere to land
Life is so frail and uncertain. What am I living for? There is no time to live aimlessly. Everything seems so scary. How to move on? How look forward to the unknown?

And all I see

It could never make me happy

And all my sand castles

Spend their time collapsing
Yes, I have been building sand castles all these years just to see them collapsing. None of them have come true. Oh, how I spend my time thinking of what should be and what could be. I am always hoping for that someone to fill me, to complement me. All my sand castles have collapsed. What will come true and what will remain as a fantasy or a dream?

Let me know that You hear me

Let me know Your touch

Let me know that You love me

And let that be enough
He is the 'I AM' who is with me even in the storms of my life. He is the 'I AM' who will not change in this ever changing world filled with such fickled minded people like me. He is the 'I AM' who fills my loneliness and emptiness with His presence and love. He is the 'I AM' who hears from the depths of my heart and knows the sorrow that is so overwhelming. Nothing in this world can satisfy me. Nothing. No matter how hard I search for, I will not find anything that is of worth. He is enough for me.

Tired. Worned out. And my tune (the one that I forgot a few days ago) is now STUCK on my mind. Oh my...

Don't bother, again.

Donkey Calculus II is making me go nuts. I still don't know why I chose Maths as my minor. Too late to turn back.

Lately I've been spending a lot of time in front of the...no not the computer..but my piano. I guess it's to release my so called accumulated stress. Really? Think positively! I don't want my stress level to reach the critical stage. Hmmmph! Sometimes I would churn out my own tunes on the piano. And just now I was a bit frustrated because I forgot the tune I played this morning. Such unnecessary frustration I tell you.

Sigh.

Having that mood.

Don't bother.

Feels one kind thinking about that.

Have not felt like this for a long, long time.

Even though it's gone, something still remains.

Although that presence has long gone since, something still remains.

Ooh, I've not been so cryptic for a long, long time.

Feels good being cryptic, yet I want to shout it out loud. Nope, cannot.

Ah, Somewhere Out There-The Mouse version makes me want to cry. Reminds me of so many things. My childhood, my past, few years ago.

Do woodpeckers have headache?

A divergent from my cryptic post.

Nope, they don't suffer from headaches although they cant stop knocking trees. God made them like that.

Phew, what a day. What has happened the last few days? Madness.

Alright, time to stop my emo-ness and think about my future.

Yeah rite.

iPOTs + Random

Well, I came back from iPOTs a few days back and now I'm forced to face my Etika, Calculus II, and Bio notes. Help! Four days of meeting and talking to so many people have now made my home seem unusually quiet.

***

iPOTs was a time of much reflection, rest and also reminder to what I was called to do. More than 3 years have passed since I made that decision to become a teacher and there were times when I forget and became so complacent to that calling. I'm still left with less than 2 years or maybe more than that before I start teaching. Will I still be the same person that will have the same passion to teach?

To me, He is a God of Assurance. He assures me that He will take care of everything. He will take care of my parents and he will take care of my future, my family. Am I willing to follow Him to where He takes me to even if it means going to a place far away from home, from Selangor?

***

Rev. Hwa Yung challenged us to look at Malaysia. To look at at the grim situation of our country. There are missing voices everywhere and many are choosing to run away from it instead of facing it. He urges us to be brutally honest with ourselves and with God. Few questions were raised: Are we willing to be sacrificial? Are we willing to dirty our hands? Are we willing to live in the midst of inequality out there? What are we Christians doing about it? And it's sad to know that many are choosing to leave this country because they cannot deal with inequality and because they feel that this country has nothing to offer them. Where are our voices? Do we know what is happening to our country?

"After 50 years, our church has yet to answer its relevance to our society"

***

If only all of us realise what God wants us to do. Wake up! There is not much time! How long will you dwell in your own weaknesses and hurts that you will not allow God to heal you because you think that you can be in control of your life? Wake up! There is not much time left. You know your life is like a vapour. It will be taken away from you one day and it will be too late by then.

***

Wait. You and I need to wait. To wait upon the Lord because His timing is perfect. Wait so that you and I will be able to grow into the persons God want us to be. Wait even though it may be a long time and the future may seem uncertain. It will be worth the wait. I know. Just wait.

Hello!

So it has been a long time since I actually blogged about something. August, September and the first week of October were crazy and difficult months. But by God's grace and strength I was able to pull through! I guess there are so many lessons in life that are learnt well only when you decide to go through it gracefully. Yeah, it was rough. I don't think I handled a few and new situations well but I know that God is always by my side. Really, I think I would have gone bonkers, gone nuts, if it were not of His kind assurance. This semester has really open doors for me to discover myself- the good and bad side of me. Was not easy but yeah, I survived!

Thanks for all of your encouragement! And to those faithful ones who always leave comments on my blog I really appreciate it so much!!

Sigh. Wanted to upload some pictures but Blogger's having some problems

I'm off to POTS tomorrow! I guess somewhere in the world, there is a PANS or SPOONS or FORKS conference going on. (ahh....lame, time to go to sleep ajw) I'm a TOT going to meet people who are HOT and a whole LOT of other people! People have been speculating that I will find a TOT or a HOT or a LOT at POTS. Well, ya know what...it's unlikely to happen.hehehe...

POTS=Professionals of Tomorrow

TOTS=Teachers of Tomorrow

LOTS & HOTS=Lawyers & Health Care

Who knows in the future there will be SOTS or EOTS or GOTS. (Scientists, Economists/Ecologists, Geologists)..lame again...Time to go to bed.

:-)

I'm a happy girl today.

I am still surviving!

Will write more when I have the time.

I foresee next week to be a busy week.

Yeah, bring it on!

Yeah rite.

Read! Not the usual song you always hear on the radio

My Wish

by Rascal Flatts

I hope that the days come easy and the moments pass slow,

And each road leads you where you want to go,

And if you're faced with a choice, and you have to choose,

I hope you choose the one that means the most to you.

And if one door opens to another door closed,

I hope you keep on walkin' till you find the window,

If it's cold outside, show the world the warmth of your smile,

But more than anything, more than anything,

My wish, for you, is that this life becomes all that you want it to,

Your dreams stay big, and your worries stay small,

You never need to carry more than you can hold,

And while you're out there getting where you're getting to,

I hope you know somebody loves you, and wants the same things too,

Yeah, this, is my wish.

I hope you never look back, but ya never forget,

All the ones who love you, in the place you left,

I hope you always forgive, and you never regret,

And you help somebody every chance you get,

Oh, you find God's grace, in every mistake,

And you always give more than you take.

But more than anything, yeah, and more than anything,

My wish, for you, is that this life becomes all that you want it to,

Your dreams stay big, and your worries stay small,

You never need to carry more than you can hold,

And while you're out there getting where you're getting to,

I hope you know somebody loves you, and wants the same things too,

Yeah, this, is my wish.

My wish, for you, is that this life becomes all that you want it to,
Your dreams stay big, and your worries stay small,
You never need to carry more than you can hold,
And while you're out there getting where you're getting to,
I hope you know somebody loves you, and wants the same things too,

Yeah, this, is my wish.
This is my wish
I hope you know somebody loves you
May all your dreams stay big

Blue, Blue Friday

My heart is troubled. Extremely. Super. Very. To the max. Really.

Temporary stress relieve:
http://www.webworksllc.com/Bananaphone-Badgerphone.cfm

http://www.webworksllc.com/Llamasong.cfm

Sigh.

I Like You

Sister sent this to me. Really made my day.

Sad

Two people this year.

Just received another sad news on the demise of another church elder, Uncle Koh Ting Tiew, who is a friend of my family, an uncle of my friend, and a teacher who taught me during RBS. There are just so many people dying of cancer nowadays. What has this world come to? Once again I'm reminded of how life is like a vapour, it won't stay for long. It comes and it goes. Suddenly life is snapped away from you just like that but it is God who decides how long you live and when you will die. Do I realise the urgency of doing what God wants me to do? There isn't time for disobedience for I do not know how much time I have in this world. There isn't time for procrastination for I know there is so much to be done.

How will I choose to live my life?

How nice if you are that one?

Sometimes I fear what people would think. I remind myself that God and not them who looks at my heart. Why should I be afraid?

How would you feel if you had to sit in the HEP office for 3 hours, skip one class just to meet a man who is about to tell you a not-so-good news about PKV and then ends up not meeting him at all because he is just too busy to come to up to his office?

It only happens in UM. I hope so.

Ding Dong

It's done. Phew. Didn't know that to apply for PKV's annual general meeting, I need to submit so much benda to HEP. Well, it will be my final responsibility as a secretary. I've learnt a lot, learnt to be more confident in meeting people. Really? I'm still a bit shy, sometimes...most of the time?

I had a great time at Bukit Tinggi with two closed friends. Too bad the one with the name 'adelene' minus the -ne behind couldn't go. Apalah you Ipoh Ah Moi! Well, it was my first time going there. Now, why didn't I think of bringing a camera? Oh ya, I don't even have one.

We saw trees. saw flowers. saw sexy pink flower. saw mike the monkey's relatives. went to french village. saw no french people. ate pizza not made by a french man. drank coffee. bought a very special plant seed. sat in a stream. swam in the swimming pool. saw a couple doing *ahem ahem in the pool. blowed big bubbles. talked. ate. laughed. prayed together.

It was so good. Now again, allow me to lament a bit, why are there only 2 days plus 1 public holiday this weekend?

Oh, ajw, stop complaining

Series of unfortunate events

Got a shock when I found out that my father fell down and hit his forehead. His forehead is quite swollen and blue black. Doctor said that the impact is the same if you were boxed by someone on the face. I'm really not used to seeing bruises especially on my father. But I thank God that he didn't hit the most sensitive part of his head. That would be so,so terrible.I worry for my parents especially when they are are sick. Nothing I can do but to leave them in God's hands.

After dad fell down (which was at the petrol station), he still wanted to go to work. Minutes after that, a dog suddenly ran towards the car and hit it. The impact, of course killed the dog and damaged the front part of the car. Dad now realised that maybe God wanted him not to go to work but to go back home and rest. His blood pressure was super high after the fall, it would not be good if he continued working the whole day.

Phew~

***
ajw is off to Bukit Tinggi for the weekend.Yay!

ajw is waiting patiently, but the time hasn't come yet.

Yesterday, Today

I had a great weekend although I wish there are 3 days in a weekend instead of 2. Had my second brother and his family over at our house after 6 months of being away from here. Well, I had a great time(plus a few minor 'shocks' when he told some things..hehe.you'd never know what they are). Little Debbie is so grown up already and little Enoch is such an angel. :-)

It's going to be one hectic week for me. ajw thinks so. It's time for me to add more fuel to the progress of my assignments. My college choir is going to present an item this coming Tuesday for the Ministry of Higher Education. Gone is my Tuesday morning. Plus, it's going to be a week of the 'revealing'. I pray for courage and assurance. Didn't see this coming. Really.

The past whole week I was really so semangat-less. Honestly, I didn't feel like meeting people and I was a bit tired, I don't know why. I hope this week would be better. And then there is that something I've been praying for. It's been a while already. And I'm still waiting. How long it would be I do not know.

Today has been a super blur day for me. So blur to the extend that the makcik in the kitchen yelled at me for almost putting my plate at the wrong place. Donkey. Still recovering from flu.

Will tomorrow be a better day? I want it to be.

Won't you say something?

Psalm 100